Davins Comedy Blog

THREATS AND VENGEANCE - BY DAVIN ROSENBLATT


A friend of mine has a habit of getting into heated political debates on Facebook. I have gotten into debates with him. He is a good debater and he is very passionate. However, he can sometimes beat his point to death. It can be annoying sometimes. I just stop arguing when I have nothing more to say or I find myself becoming annoyed. Sometimes he continues posting. That is fine. I am done but he does not have to be.  The other day he got into a political debate and it turned ugly. Some things were misinterpreted as can happen online.  Next thing he knows this guy is threatening his life and bragging how he will be doing the world a favor by killing him. The guy says he has nothing to lose. He then shows my friend that he knows where he lives and his unlisted number. Now you can find these things fairly easily but it is very unnerving. Now the local authorities and the Feds are involved. Now he is in hiding and his family, quite rightly, is scared.  This all from an internet argument over politics.

I often see some on the right express glee over things that upset those on the left. They are not even weighing in on if they agree with the policy or law.  They are just thrilled that somebody with different political beliefs is angered or in distress.  These are Americans happy that other Americans are angered. Like if you don’t think exactly like them then they must be the enemy.  It seems like now many in our country are fueled by vengeance. Compromise is a sign of weakness and only total annihilation will make America great.

At some point you have to wonder who we are as a nation that we are willing to threaten, hurt, kill, fellow citizens over a difference of opinion.  At best politicians want to create a better society but just have different visions on how to get there. At worst they don’t care about the average citizen and are just in the position for power or treasure. In either case I don’t think it is worth threatening your fellow citizen. I don’t think it is right to think just because somebody does not agree with you that you wish them distress or worse.  I am passionate about politics. I consider myself informed. I get angry. For the most part I keep myself in check. What type of example am I setting for my child if I lose my shit over words?

I think society has a shorter fuse for those with different opinions because we tend to wall ourselves off into bubbles of people that think just like we do. They tell us how right we are. How bad they are. How they are hell bent on ruining America. And people buy into that and it fuels the hostility in a never ending cycle.

Leave your bubble. Meet your fellow citizens. Talk about your kids. Talk about music. Realize they are more like you than they are different from you. This world would be pretty boring if everybody was exactly like we were. Embrace the variety.

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Bandwagon Hate - By Pip Helix (Davin's Den)

It seems that sometimes, the cool kids suddenly decide that something is no longer the "in" thing, and then everyone jumps on the bandwagon.  I'm not necessarily defending any of the offending items or fashions, but the  ostracism for wearing those looks, or owning those items confuses me.

Why, for example, did the mullet become such an object of derision?  It was an interesting haircut for it's time, and really no worse than some of the other suffering for fashion looks we have all done, but it seems to be a dividing line between the haves and the have-nots.
It seems like a not-so-subtle part of the unspoken class war in the United States.  When you have a lot of disposable income, you can cycle through things, clothes and looks as easy as breathing. When you are concerned about feeding your family, you can't worry if your sneakers aren't up to snuff, or how people may scoff at a hairdo that is "so last week".
Just typing that phrase kind of pissed me off. If you can afford to throw away perfectly good items because they are no longer in fashion, why not be happy for yourself instead of looking down your nose at those who can't just remodel a kitchen because someone decided that stainless steel was the only acceptable type of appliance?  Mark my words, by the way...stainless steel will one day be the avocado or harvest gold appliances of the future. And who cares? If it keeps the food cold, be happy.
The bandwagoneers, the keeping up with the Joneses folks, are the most vicious of them all. They love to point out supposed flaws in the style of those who either can't ot simply won't follow passing phases.  And isn't what they are saying, basically, ha ha, you have less money than me?  If you still have the much- maligned mullet, you don't have the money to be at the hairdresser or barber all the time, or worse, you aren't caught up in the game. How dare you not keep up with what the cool kids demand?
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JURY DUTY - By Joe Currie (Davin's Den)

                                                            
I was able to dodge the bullet for over eleven years, and then two months ago I got a questionnaire and then they got me,,, JURY DUTY uuch.

 When you get jury duty you have to go, if not the Sheriff will kindly bring you.
The first thing that any responsible citizen says when they get jury duty is “How do I get out of this shit”. The old strategy was to walk in and say you hate every one, which everybody used to do so they don’t buy that any more. The second tact that I would use is looking like I should be in front of a jury instead of in one.

I would sit there with a crazed blank look on my face and stare down the prosecutor and the defense attorney and after two hours and it would be “beat it stupid”, and I could go home as they don’t want me there.
I figured I would stroll in, pull old faithful and be back to the day program in no time. ,,,yeah well It’s fun to pretend.

I got called in for Grand Jury duty which is different from a trial jury .A  trial jury hears the case and the Grand Jury hears the evidence and then recommends to indict the case to go to trial.
The first day you sit in a big room, there is no interview they just need ninety two people. As luck would have it , there was exactly ninety two, Great now if my lottery numbers would work that well.

We are brought up into another room where they assign us all to the locations that we will serve at. I have been assigned to the Riverhead court which is way out on the island by the Hamptons. The good news its twenty minutes from my house, yaay, the bad news its now four hours from the show, and three hours from the band’s studio. I tried to make it to the show one night and got there at 8pm, as you know we start at 6:30, so the past couple of weeks I called in from my House, nice but not like being in the studio with Davin and Pip.
You may be saying several weeks how long are you on Jury duty for??? Twenty days, or as I say it TWENTY FUCKING DAYS !!!!! yeah, that’s right Grand Jury duty is twenty fucking days. I had to tell the day program to write me a note saying I’m an inspiration, how can people walk past the monument of me at work and go in knowing I’m not there, the company could go out of business. Apparently my boss was on Grand Jury Duty and knows that you ain’t going nowhere so they told me they will still pay me and enjoy. Very cool move on their part but here I am for twenty days.

When you are on Grand Jury duty you have to wait for the District Attorneys to bring in their cases,  that results in a lot of down time between cases which I use to my advantage to catch up on show stuff, day program stuff, and band stuff. I am actually writing this blog while I am sitting here waiting on a case. Twenty-two of us all sit here and the group of people I am with are actually very cool and we actually enjoy each other’s company. I never mentioned to them that I do a radio show, am a musician, and a comic. Thank god I never told them I’m a comic as all my jokes have fell flat.
My diet has also has seen better days as people bring in food and there is a lot of eating as well as indicting.

We heard a lot of cases; many involve drugs, drunk driving, robbery, and unfortunately child abuse. But when we indict these cases we do feel good that we are bringing these people to justice and they will feel the consequences of their actions.
The biggest problem I had was staying awake, the room is quiet and they have to read the law verbatim and it is enough to lull me asleep. I never got in trouble for it though the girl next to me did.

It is very tough being a comic and not being able to say anything while witnesses are being interviewed with the District attorneys asking the stupidest questions “how did it fell when he punched you repeatedly??? If felt great stupid what do you think. When the man pointed the gun at you what were you thinking?? Wow I don’t know, I was thinking about the laundry and not a slug coming through my chest.
One of the things I will not miss is going through security every morning and afternoon making sure I had no change in my pockets jacket off etc. Most of the guards were cool some treated you like you were the criminals. One of the funniest moments is when some police officers came in for testimony.

The security entrance has four to five court officers, they have guns, uniforms and are no nonsense all business, and when the police officers come in they see them and say “uh oh it’s the cops.
It’s most likely a “you had to be there moment” but for us that were there it was hysterical.

I can’t blame the court officers for their attitude; you have to see all the riff raff that comes through there. And by the way to some of the people that come to court, please come properly dressed, your not going on a rap video you’re going to court and unless snoop dog is the judge that day you may have a problem my schnizzle.  There was also the seventy-year-old Hippy dude with silver hair down to his ass in a tee shirt, wearing paisley leggings. I would of taken a photo and posted it, but taken photos in the court house is illegal, but it would have been worth the fine and jail time as nobody believes me when I tell them.
Even though it was twenty days it did go quick, and what did I learn during those twenty days? Drugs especially heroin is one of the evilest substances on earth, it destroys lives and was at the root of a lot of the cases we heard.

The last case we heard was a guy that was driving drunk with kids in the car which is a violation of Leandra’s law which if you are driving drunk or on drugs, (which he was both) and you have kids under seventeen in the car.it is now a felony. This guy was a piece of shit and there were sixteen counts against him. When the District attorney gave his name and info we noticed that he was born on the day we indicted him. After we had voted yes to true bill of indictment on all sixteen counts the District attorney asked if we had any questions, I said yeah, after you hand him the indictment tell him we said Happy Birthday. Justice served, now leave me alone for another eleven years.
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THE THRILL OF THE NEW JOKE - By Davin Rosenblatt


For me one of the best things about performing stand up comedy is the thrill of the new joke.  I love the whole process. The little nugget of an idea that suddenly surfaces in my brain. The writing it down and expanding on some things and eliminating other things.  Trying to figure out where in my set I will put the new joke. Taking it to the stage and trying to remember it. Saying it differently than I wrote it. Working on how I will use my voice and body in the joke. Seeing how the audience reacts. If the audience responds badly will I cut the joke short or will I ride it out and go down with the ship or pull it out in the end?  If the joke fails what will I say to get the audience back on my side? How much more will I be able to create with the joke on stage than I could when I was writing it out? If it goes badly was there enough in the joke to give it another shot?

It is all quite a rush.  Many comedians stop writing once they get their 15, 30, 45, 60, 90 minutes, etc. They figure well these jokes always work. The audience leaves happy. The people who hired me are happy. I’ll just keep doing these jokes. There certainly is a logic and a certainty to that approach. I think there is also a laziness to that approach.  In my mind once a comedian stops writing he stops being an artist on some level. He is merely reciting the same lines he always does. He knows exactly where the laughs go. He has decreased the element of danger in his act. Live comedy should have some degree of danger in it.

I never really understood how one could turn off the comedic creative juices forever.  I go through periods of time where I have a lot of new ideas for jokes and there are other times where it is hard to come up with anything new.  That is to be expected.  I know ways to stimulate my creative juices. I find if I read current events or visit different parts of the country or world I am inspired to create and comment on what I am seeing.  Then I store those little joke nuggets in my head eagerly anticipating the time I get to share it with an audience.  A new joke to me is like a flower waiting to bloom.  It lays dormant but then it bursts onto the scene for the world to examine and hopefully enjoy.  The audience’s laughter is the pollination process.  If they respond well it may encourage me to push further with the joke. Find new tangents. Take new chances. If after enough time the joke does not get a good reaction the chances are that joke will die on the vine.  I will conclude that I was wrong or I have not figured out how to do the joke…yet.  There may come a time when I can do the joke better so I may come back to it.

Many comedians are afraid of jokes not working; especially when they are getting paid.  Well you certainly can’t have too many jokes failing in a set but if you never tried jokes you would not have a set to begin with.  I guess my point is never let go of that thrill of creating.  The excitement of new material will help keep you sharp.  It will make audiences want to see you again as they know you will have new insights to share.  Creativity is an artist’s life line. Once it stops a little bit of us dies. 

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Pounding His Exhaust System Chest - By Pip Helix (Davin's Den)

I was lying in bed the other evening, and listening to the quiet of the neighborhood being assaulted by the distant roar of a motorcycle.  I couldn’t help but wonder how loud that must be to the people nearby wherever he was zooming past.  BLaaaaaAAAAUM, BLUM BLUM BLUM BLUM BLUM.  Oh, good for you, motorcycle guy.  You are the loudest thing in the neighborhood.  Proud of yourself?  All puffed up with pride are we?

For those of you thinking that I am being unreasonable, and that they can’t help but be that loud, I offer up the party conversation I had years ago with a biker who actually reconfigured a thingamaggiger on his exhaust to be LOUDER than necessary.  I gathered from the tone of the conversation that I was supposed to be admiring of his ingenuity in fixing his whosywhatsis to BLAM louder than the normal Blam. 

I should back up to explain that at this time, one of my good friends was living with a biker guy, and this party was in their home, loaded with leather jackets and some illicit substances being consumed in the closed-door kitchen.  I had spent a number of evenings in the company of some of these folks, and most of them were friendly and rather protective towards me, but this was a larger group, there were people I’d never met before - and there was whiff of danger in the air.  I mostly contented myself with talking to the womenfolk at this gathering, until one woman who fancied herself a Janis Joplin clone began doing a greatest hits concert a cappella in the garden.

I ended up in conversation with the aforementioned noise-enthusiast, and things were very nice, until he mentioned his bike and how he had made “improvements” to it.  Had I felt braver about speaking my mind at that moment, I may have told him what I really thought of his “improvements”.  However, since the party was being hosted by my friend, and this person was one of their friends, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to tell Mr. Leather with Frightening Insignia that his selfish, oafish, guerilla-chest-pounding, dick-swinging modifications were not impressive to me.

In the suburbs, people are not impressed by street noises so loud that it wakes babies that were just put down for a nap, or so extra-loud that they suck the last few words of conversation out of the air with their decibel levels.  Dogs that start barking are not yelling, “Wow, that is so cool, dude!”  Women’s panties don’t spontaneously drop to the floor as they writhe in a frenzy of lust.   Everyone, except for a few weekend warriors, is thinking in unison, “What an ASSHOLE.”  And in the city, there is so much street noise that it just adds to the cacophonous stew, and the chest thumping is ignored by all.

Hey motor cycle dudes -  and especially YOU, mister “my bike goes to eleven” – we are not impressed.  Muffle that shit already.
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LETS ROCK - By Joe Currie (Davin's Den)


As our fans know Davin, Pip and I are all big music fans, we have gone to concerts together and they have come to see my bands play too. Davin went to see Bonjovi this weekend and my band played this weekend as well.

I had the pleasure of sitting at a table with David Bryan the keyboard player in Bonjovi and his lovely wife at the comedy club several weeks ago. Dave is a great guy and as he is one my influences he was gracious enough to answer my questions about their songs and his keyboard rig.
As I was saying on the show, Dave and I are around the same age and both still jump behind our keyboard rigs and play with our bands. 

Here is the difference, he jumps on a private jet to play in front of eight thousand people in Brazil and I jump in my Honda Element and play in front of twenty five at Dingbatz in Jersey.

But the key thing is that playing in a band is an amazing experience and is radically different than stand up. In stand up it’s me alone and the focus is on me and I need to get a reaction every thirty seconds. In the band I am far from the focal point and only need to get a reaction every three to four minutes.

In stand up if the show starts at eight you arrive between seven-seven thirty and the latest you start may be eight fifteen.

In a band if your slot is at eight you show up at five thirty and then wait as the other band is sound checking, what about your sound check and setting up your gear?? Sorry doors are in five minutes and not enough time, you will have to put your stuff to the side and load your stuff onstage after the band before you is done during the show. We go on at eight right?? No man everything has been pushed back and you guys are going on at nine thirty now.

In stand up the only gear I have is my notorious little red bag for my notes, my recorder and my hack whistle. With the band two keyboards, a stand, an amp, a stand for the amp, my I pad, and my Big red bag. Plus the time to set up the gear.

If you play in a bar band you are the band for the night so you set up your stuff nice and easy before the gig and take it down nice and easy after the gig. When you’re in a rock club opening for a national act there are three opening bands and you are one of them. As soon as the band before you is done it is now survival of the fittest. You have to wait for the band that is done to break down their stuff so you can get your stuff up there and get set up and it never goes smoothly you are stepping over the other band and your own band mates and their stuff and you have move quick to get set up because if you take too long the club will cut your time and thus you have to cut songs from your set list. When you are done the process continues again.

Now, let’s talk about tickets sales; in comedy unless you are a headliner, the stress on selling tickets is really not on you. In both Comedy and Music the clubs do expect you to push the gig on social media and any other method you have, however in music you do a ticket deal. The headline act who was on MTV and where stars thirty years ago can’t fill a small club on a Friday night and that’s where you come in. the club will book you and tell you that you are required to move fifteen to twenty tickets from anywhere from fifteen to thirty dollars apiece and if you don’t sell them in many cases you have to pay for what you can’t sell.

You take a gamble and sometimes you lose big time. Six years ago the band I was in opened up for Ace Frehley from Kiss it was a big ticket outlay but I agreed as Ace was an idol of my two guitar players and the gig was on a Friday and we figured we can move tickets. The original club closed overnight and the show was moved thirty miles away to a Sunday night and we lost our shirts.

So why do I do this?? Because it’s one of the things that I love and always wanted to do, with all the aggravating things there have been some incredible moments and I have not regretted having the band and then comedy regulate my life since I was sixteen.

Check out my Face book page for upcoming shows and come on out and lets rock.           

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PASSOVER SCHOOL LUNCH - BY DAVIN ROSENBLATT


Passover is a wondrous time of year. No it isn’t. It is an important holiday for Jewish people but it is not wondrous. At least not when you are a kid in public school. Easter happens around the same time of year as Passover and the difference between the Jewish kids and the gentiles is never more stark than the lunches kids are eating in school.

Gentile kids have left over ham. They have chocolates and jelly beans. The kids who get their lunch in school are eating pizza or macaroni and cheese.  Maybe the kids are eating a nice big submarine sandwich piled high with all sorts of meats.  Not so for the Jewish kid. You know what I brought to school for lunch during Passover? Gefilte fish in twenty year old Tupperware and a plastic fork. Listen even if you like gefilte it is not a glamorous lunch. Gefilte on its best day is an appetizer until you get to eat something better. Try explaining what a gefilte is to a bunch of kids. “It’s a fish. Does it swim in the ocean? No. Does it swim in a lake? No. Okay it isn’t a real fish. It is mashed up pieces of a bunch of cheap fish. They make it into a loaf and then preserve it in this weird gel. Hey, where are you going? Come back!” Yeah gefilte is a hard sell. Say you don’t have gefilte. You are bringing Matzo. Matzo is not ideal for sandwiches. It is even less ideal for sandwiches that need to be packed. It is dry and has no bend in it. A little bit of pressure and you don’t have matzo…you have crumbs.  So if you want to have a matzo sandwich you are going to need to be able to build it on the spot.  While your friends are half way through their sandwich you are unwrapping the matzo in tinfoil, opening up the Tupperware of tuna fish, and then spreading the tuna on the matzo. You ignore all your friends who are staring at you wondering why you are putting tuna on the largest cracker they have ever seen.  Now you are ready to take a bite of your sandwich.  And you take that first bite and the rest of the tuna and matzo crumbles into your lap. Matzo can’t withstand much…including the pressure of a human bite.

Well you know what you didn’t want to eat anyway. You clean the tuna and matzo from your lap and get ready for dessert.  I mean everybody loves dessert. Your friends are eating left over Easter candy. They have chocolate rabbits, and jelly beans, and peeps.  What do you have? A dry macaroon. Listen macaroons are fine. They have all sorts of new flavors like Rocky Road and chocolate, chocolate chip. Perfect for noshing on after school.  However, let me perfectly clear, a macaroon no matter the flavor, is no contest when compared to a peep. Food coloring, marshmallow, and sugar beats coconut every day of the week.  And Passover desserts are always dry. If you actually managed to eat your whole matzo sandwich chances are you have no water left for dessert. That means your macaroons are the equivalent of sand.

So yeah Passover is cool because God took the Jews from Egypt to relieve their suffering. However, if he would have given us a few more minutes to leave the bread could have risen and Jewish kids would not have to eat odd lunches thousands of years later. I mean c’mon man you are God, you get to do things on your time and then we get to eat peeps!

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MY SCAMMER SHANNON - By Joe Currie (Davin's Den)

                                           
As one of our calling cards with our show is scamming you have your radar are on when one tries to contact us and this is the story of Shannon Thomas. 
Shannon added you on Messenger.
Shannon is waving at you!
is she !!!!!
Shannon:
Hello Joe
You accepted Shannon's request.
Of course I did because it is time to have some fun
Shannon:
How are you?
Shannon
Hello Joe
Pushy bitch isn’t she but a key tell tale sign of a scammer as they tend to be aggressive.
Joe:
Do I know you?
Shannon:
I just sow your profile as suggestions friends and I decided to say hell to you.
She wanted to say “hell” to me. Another key sign she is a scammer is they can’t spell and another are how many friends and we have no mutual friends on Face book.
Joe:
Is that your profile photo?

Shannon:
Yes
She has only three and I can guarantee they are not hers I wanted to quiz her on this to see if she may have a hint that I am on to her but she doesn’t take the bait as you will see

Shannon:
How are you doing today?

Joe
Good how are you, are you from NY?
Time to see where they are from, a lot of times they are from another country or have relocated here.
Shannon:
Am fine  Am from UK.
I currently live Houston Texas and you
Bingo, and she writes like the robot from lost in space with no inflection.
Joe:
I am from NY, I ask because a lot of people write me from Ghana for some reason
I’m giving her a chance to cut and run but she is staying.
Shannon:
Okay
The one point I thought she may be real as she seemed to be taken aback from my question. We continue.
Shannon:
What are you doing for a living?
Bad grammar and she is sizing me up to see if I may be a cash cow.

Joe:
I am a comic, and you ?
Letting her know I am poor with no prospects because that’s a comic and I want to see what her deal is.
Shannon:
Am a hair stylist.
Are you single? Do you have kids?
You’re also a bullshit artist. She is asking to see if am married and have kids to see what my status is as alone and no kids means vulnerable.
Joe
Separated no kids and you ?
Shannon
Am single no kids
Maybe I will scam her-LOL
Joe
How long were you married?
Shannon
Am not married
Several days later she writes back
Shannon:
How are you?
Joe
Good, how is everything at the hair Salon?
Wanted to see if I could trip her up on the job thing


Shannon:
Fine, What do you have for me today?
What do I have for you today??? Fuck you who are you Davin waiting for a show project!!!
Joe:
And what would you be looking for???
Shannon:
Looking to find the right person to create a family together. Someone who puts relationship above everything else. Keep in mind that relationship is a FULL TIME JOB
And her she is trying to reel me in with the relationship angle as she knows I am alone and why is full time job in caps?? Does she know my estranged wife, and I ask her.
Joe:
Coming out of a divorce I feel the same. I see you put full time job in caps, were you in a bad relationship?

Shannon:
Yes I exboyfriend cheated on me
Probably wanted somebody with good grammar.
Joe:
That’s a shame, how long were you dating for?
Shannon:
3years, what about you

Joe:
24 years

Shannon:
Wow that’s a very long time
Yeah no shit lady
Joe
Tried to keep it going for all those years and then there was one day in 2011 when I realized it was over very sad
Throwing a little truth into the mix
Shannon:
You just have to move on with your life, and start all over again with a good woman
Stupid is now putting out the bait again

Joe:
Yes just getting over the heart break and will be searching

Shannon:
Same here, We have same things in common

Joe:
Well hopefully I will find someone
Shannon:
Same here.
So, do not apply if you are not ready as you may hurt you or someone else in the process. Keep it real and simple. Commitment in the relationship is a must for me. I am long term relationship oriented. But the chemistry needs to be there of course.
Do not apply??? You wrote me stupid, another heavy handed tell tale sign of a scammer.
As you can see we both have our lines in the water now.

Shannon
What are seeking for in a relationship?
Joe:
Chemistry and someone to be a best friend too.

Shannon:
I'm Looking For Sincere, creative, guy with a sense of humor. Fortunate to have good health, work I believe in, and loved ones I value. Active, friendly, flexible though my pictures might give you an impression of profound square-ness.
Really, square-ness?? her profile picture would give Kaitlin Jenner a rod.

Shannon:
What do you do for fun

Joe:
I am a very big into anthropology

Shannon:
Okay,
I love watching football,table tennis and I love reading,cooking and do house work I hang out with my friends and love going out for Shopping.
I like anthropology; you wouldn’t ask me some questions. Curious to see what her football team is
Joe:
What is you favorite football team?
Shannon:
Arsenal in English premier league.
Once again a transplant and suspicious
Joe:
I like American football, Jets fan
I want to show her I am pathetic
Shannon:
Hello joe
Let’s have some fun now
Joe:
How are you today, I have the flu, slept for twelve hours yesterday, feels lonely in bed sick and nobody around. but it is what it is

Shannon:
Oh sorry Wish am there to help you out
Do you?? Wish am,, stupid scammer lets really turn on the jets we go to a couple of days later
Shannon:
How are you?
Joe
Hi, I am writing from the hospital, I was an sick that I had an episode with my breathing due to the flu that I called an ambulance and I have been in the hospital since two for observation, they are keeping me overnight and they think I may have an upper respiratory infection or maybe pneumonia. Feeling very week now, I have to go

Shannon:
Okay joe, Don’t worry, you will be okay soon.
That’s it? She has the compassion of an SS officer—or a scammer

Shannon:
Hello joe
Hope you are getting better

Joe:
A little, I was on a ventilator most of the night. How are you today? How is work?

Shannon:
Fine,
Are you still in the hospital?
No asshole I’m in the supermarket
Joe:
Yes, I may be hear for a while and am still on the ventilator,Joe
I mean be here, the medication has me all woozy

Shannon:
Okay, I pray you get better soon.
Well your prayers aint working

Shannon:
Hello joe

Shannon
Hello joe


Joe:
Hello, the past several days were not good. I was in a coma as my breathing was so bad. They also told me that I was dead for about a minute. And I believe it as a felt my body leave and I saw my Mom and Jesus. When I leave the hospital I am going to serve God. Are you religious?
Shannon
Yes.... I’m religious
After all of that, that’s her answer.

Joe
Good morning, feeling a little better today and I know it was because the hand of the lord touched me. what religious faith are you?

Shannon:
Baptist Church,When are you going to leave the hospital

Joe:
Another three days, please pray for me

Shannon
I always pray for you cus you are good care friend,.
Don’t worry.... you will be fine.
I pray you will learn to spell someday “cus” also friend you have known me for two weeks.

Shannon:
How are you doing now

Shannon:
Hello joe How is your health

.
Now I’m laying it on thick
Joe:
Not good, I lapsed back into a coma and I crossed to other side for a minute and I felt peace and no pain and then a powerful but friendly voice told me I had to go back. I am tired and may have scar tissue in my lungs, sorry I need to go back to sleep
Shannon:
Okay dear... I will talk to you later
And you will be stupid

Shannon:
Hello
I’m playing hard to get

Shannon
Hello joe, How is your health

Joe:
Not good, still in the hospital and it has been touch and go, even worse while I was in the second coma I had a blood clot and got gangrene in one of my legs and they had to amputate it I WOKE UP WITH ONE LEG. I am devastated. The only thing that is getting me through this is my loss every of the lord and trusting him that taking the leg was a good thing. I am still upset as I used to love to dance and those days will be no more. May get out Tuesday. I’m sorry the pain killer is taking effect and I have to go

Shannon:
Okay joe,
I pray you recover soon
After all that that’s all she has to say. She has not written me back since and who knows if she will but she displayed all the signs of a scammer and I had fun driving her nuts. But if you have a friend or a relative that gets messages like this please, tell them to stop corresponding immediately as the results will not be funny but devastating or deadl
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Puppies and Children - By Pip Helix (Davin's Den)

America has lost its collective minds.  I shake my head every day at the news, and the things that pass for logic these days.
Latest edition of head-poundingly frustrating thinking/not-thinking:  A puppy was placed in an overhead compartment on a plane and died as a result.  This is a senseless and obviously very sad event. Did the owner not speak up to the airline personnel when ordered to put her bag overhead instead of under the seat in front of her?  Did the airline person realize there was an animal in the bag? Are people so afraid of being thrown off of planes for voicing even the most minor/reasonable objections to orders? Do people not realize that the overhead compartments are airtight?  Is this just a gruesome mistake? So many questions, and the result of all of it is a dead pet.
We Americans love our pets to distraction.  Anyone who listens to the show knows that I have more than my share of cats, and I love them all dearly.  Mr. Helix and I dote on our pets as if they were our children, and we are certainly not alone in that. Check out the multi-millions of dollars we pay for pet supplies, toys, luxuries and basic care, and there is no doubt that we are a country of pet lovers.  
A dead puppy is a terrible, heart-string pulling moment, and everyone can relate. The grief of losing a pet is overwhelming.  Almost like losing a child –but certainly not the same as losing a child. Certainly not the same as losing 7,000 children.
If you haven’t been under a rock, you have seen the gut-punch photo of the 7,000 pairs of shoes, representing all of the children lost to gun violence in our country since the Sandy Hook slaughter.  It is a false equivalency to say that we care more about the one dead puppy than the 7,000 children, I get that. But Congress just fell over each other running to the floor to vote on legislation to make sure that we don’t put any puppies in an overhead compartment, as if this was a danger that was sweeping the nation.
The danger that has been sweeping our nation is gun violence.  7,000 fucking dead children. And yet, we are still arguing over whether the proliferation of guns is a problem that needs to be settled.

Grieve for the poor little dead puppy, absolutely.  But get over yourselves and your love of your goddamn guns, and make this country a safer place for our kids, for us all.
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NOT IN THE EYE - by Davin Rosenblatt

One of the bits on the show is Name that Orgasm.  One of us needs to research a whole mess of orgasms and the rest of the show has to guess their ethnicity based on the orgasm.  It is a lot of fun and a bit ridiculous.  We were supposed to have Ron Jeremy on the show yesterday so we added the special Ron Jeremy category where Ron would have to guess who he was plowing based on the sounds of the orgasm.

To do these bits involves quite a bit of “research.”  Pip decided she would do the different ethnicities for us to guess which meant I was correlating the Ron Jeremy sex scenes.  It sounds like it should be easy but it is not.  You have to make sure you get clear moans. You don’t want too much verbiage because the accent will give away the ethnicity. You don’t want music because that distracts from the orgasm.  In the case of the games with Ron it has to be very loud so he can hear it over the phone. You need to make sure if you pick a scene with multiple people that the ethnicities are the same or the other person keeps quiet. So a lot goes into getting the perfect clip.

You are not viewing these clips for release. You are viewing them for radio which means you may be watching scenes that do not turn you on or worse yet makes you feel sad or ill.  There is a lot of variety in the world of porn and everybody has their preference.  It is when you are watching things that you don’t like that you start questioning what the hell you are doing.  I think Pip and I experienced that this weekend.

When I pick orgasms for ethnicities I usually pick solo scenes. That way I don’t need to worry about conflicting voices and I really don’t enjoy watching man parts in my porn.  Pip has a different approach. Her approach lead her to watching scenes that I think may have scarred her.  Apparently she was watching women receive copious amounts of DNA on their face.  This bothered Pip. She found it demeaning yet being the trooper she is she kept on watching. She found it degrading. I reassured her that everybody in the scenes were there by choice.  Still I don’t think that is an option on the Helix fun menu. If it was ever an option I think seeing that much of it turned her against it. She remarked how it got in their eyes. I reminded her that she has glasses it would just be like snow on a windshield. She was unmoved by my reasoning.  She commented how one woman was hanging upside down while taking this man’s gift and it ran all over the place.  She was also disappointed with his lack of concern for hygiene. Apparently he was putting his member in a variety of openings and not properly cleaning before insertion in a new opening. Pip found this inconsiderate. I argue that a wet nap kills the mood.  She also remarked how one woman would not make a sound at all while having all sorts of things done with her. Pip was bothered by this.  She was concerned maybe this woman was a victim of human trafficking.  I tried to make her feel better that a woman who does not make a sound and seems to be merely tolerating what is being done to her is not likely a victim but instead a wife.  Pip was left shaken by all of this.  I think Mr. Helix will be reduced to cuddling and talking with Pip in the near future.

I had the task of watching Ron Jeremy videos. I have never watched any of his videos. I know him from his more main stream appearances and his reputation.  Ron also directs porn. I felt like in some of the scenes he was directing while shtooping.  He had a lot of instructions.  I will say he is quite large. Both his belly and his member.  He gives old Jews everywhere hope that they too can bang 20 year old hotties.  Now as I said, I generally don’t watch men in porn.  Now I was forced too.  I have seen more of Ron Jeremy’s ass than any straight man should see of another man’s ass.  I guess the exception is the camera man.  There is also the classic under the ball shot.  I guess this view is if you ever wanted to know what a dinkleberry was seeing.  It was interesting to see the various hair styles female porn stars had over the years. Both on their head and down below. Tastes and styles change but Ron Jeremy’s huge hog is constant.  I did discover a clip of Ron Jeremy pleasuring himself orally. So that is a thing.  I don’t know if he does it to completion or what the end result is. It was a short clip featuring a long member and a surprisingly flexible Ron.

I like porn. It has a purpose. People enjoy it. However, I can definitely see how forcing somebody to watch porn they don’t like could be used as torture. Watching porn you find disturbing can leave you with an empty feeling.  Pip now has a far- away stare in her eyes. However, I now know that will be the only thing in Pip’s eyes.
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