Davins Comedy Blog

Climbing Upward - By Pip Helix (Davin's Den)


My friend went to the School of Visual Arts in New York City, and let me tell you, those artists knew how to party.  You purchased a ticket to the event, and they would rent out an entire nightclub for the evening, and hand out 3 drink tickets per attendee.  This particular night, it was under-attended, and they came around and gave us each 3 more tickets.  Then, my friend Simone who didn’t drink gave us some of her tickets, and I bought a round or two. At this point in my life, I was still wearing size A pantyhose. If you are good at math, you can see that a much tinier me was well on the way to having a great night…or a terrible morning.

I have to backtrack a bit and mention that this was a costume event, and I was dressed as a fairly, complete with recycled prom dress, wings and a wand.  If you’ve never seen a really, really drunk fairy,  white tights stained with all matter of floor debris yuck, you haven’t lived.

On this particular evening, in one of those coincidences that always seems to happen to me when I am at my worst in public, I spied with my drunken eye a guy that I used to work with, who had an unrequited crush on me.  I was pulling my drunken ass up a flight of stairs, using the rungs of the banister to help me get up Kilimanjaro, the Staircase, when I spotted Kevin staring at me from the ground below. I had a groggy moment of recognition, and remembered who he was, even though I forgot the most important part of why I knew him.  Well, the most important part to him, anyway.  I remembered his name, where we met, and the name of his boss, who was a real character.  What I forgot was that he obviously had a crush on me, and was none too thrilled that I chose to date his co-worker instead of him as soon as I left that job. 

“Hey, Kevin?  Is that yooooo, Kebin?” 

“Yes.”  Curt, and said with mean eyes.

“How ya doin’?  Say ‘Hi’ to Art (his boss) for me, will ya? How ya doin’?”  Still climbing up the stairs, rung by rung.  I am totally nailing this, I think to myself.

“Don’t you mean I should say hi to DAN?”  The guy I dated instead of him.

Whoops, I think.  I have made an error somehow, but I’m not sure in my drunken state what faux pas I have committed.  So I pause to think of the appropriate response.

“Sure, what the hell!  Say hi to him too!”  Just a few more steps to wherever I thought I was going.
His response. “…”   Mean face.

Aw well, I think.  Fuck him.  Oh yeah, I didn’t .  I guess that’s the problem. 


Continued climbing, thinking that I probably made a good call.

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