Year: 2013

December 17, 2013

If some people tried to sell their brains, the major selling point would be low mileage.

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MERRY COMPLAINMAS – PIP HELIX (DAVIN’S DEN)

Complaining is the metro New York area sport, and not only do we enjoy it, but we do it with panache.  We complain about politics, the weather, and each other with such hyperbole and gusto, that we have brought it to an art.  This is a life-long habit/sport/artform for most of us – so much…

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This Blog is Almost Late – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

It is my turn to write the blog this week and I almost told Davin I could not get to it because I don’t have the time to write it and it is going to be short as well. Am I copping an attitude? No far from it, this is a testament to doing everything…

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Yuliana continues through 2013

January 2013 Davin succeeds in getting the scammer’s profile using Yuliana off of Facebook after everybody has been warned that the woman in the picture is not who they are talking with. March 3, 2013 Davin writes to Craig Grant who is Yuliana’s boyfriend of over ten years and the father of their two children….

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INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM IS DEAD – AVALOS VS MATCH.COM FOR 1.5 BILLION DOLLARS

An unknown former model is the only named plaintiff in a 1.5 billion…yes billion with a B…class action suit against Match.com and the media can’t wait to splash her picture and the headlines across their paper, television, or website.  Nobody questions motive.  Nobody questions veracity.  It is just a rush to put the press release…

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November 26, 2013

If your living room is filled with roaches…that probably means you are totally out of snacks.

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EMOTIONAL BOOTCAMP – PIP HELIX (DAVIN’S DEN)

From my early teen years to college years, my parents and I used to go out once a week to the Rustler Steak House as our big night out.  It was one of the few places where Dad and I could gorge ourselves on the salad bar, and Mom would be satisfied with her little…

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THE DAVIN’S DEN NOVEMBER TOUR – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

THE DAVIN’S DEN NOVEMBER TOUR.   Out of the year one of the things I look forward to is when Davin and I go out on the road. These gigs could be down south or out west and always require a lot of driving and this one was no different. The drive to the gig…

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November 12, 2013

Whenever someone starts a sentence with, “In all honesty” or “To tell you the truth”, you are about to be lied to.

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Thank You, From a Would-Be Hippy by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

This Veterans Day has me thinking about the men and women sacrificing everything to serve and protect our country, and for this, I want to say thank you.  Davin’s Den has friends and fans in the military, so some may think that this is pandering, but I am sincere in my gratitude to those people…

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Winners of the best PHCP by a listener contest!

First Place – Mr Gee – The last bus home is the one you just missed Second Place – Trucker Tom – The one day you need everything to go right is the one day it goes horribly wrong  Third Place – Jill B – Always leave the bar before the lights come back on….

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November 5, 2013

Staples are to sewing as pickle juice is to lube.  It might get the job done, but you won’t be happy with the results.

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This is Not How I Thought it Would Turn Out.

I am a stand up comedian.  I have been for over 15 years.  I own my own company Side Splitting Productions.  It is an entertainment company.  I started a radio show, Davin’s Den which was also meant to entertain.  I am an entertainer.  Have been for a long time. On Thursday I drove 13 hours…

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October 29, 2013

I dislike both passive aggressive behavior and hypocrites. That’s why I’m saying this on air instead of talking to anyone face to face about it.

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I Fought the Law and the Law Won – By Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

It was a beautiful day about a month and a half ago, I was running on time for the start of the show and it was a nice ride. As I pass a cop on the side of the road he tells me to pull over. When you get pulled over by a cop besides…

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October 22, 2013

Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.

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Girlfriend or Groupie by Pip Helix – Davin’s Den

I was just re-reading a book by Patti Boyd, one-time wife of both George Harrison and Eric Clapton (not simultaneously, but nearly), and the topic of groupies came up in my mind. Not to say that Pattie was a groupie at all – she was a woman who was attracted to musicians and they in…

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October 15, 2013

Some cultures say that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck.  It is, if you own a dry cleaners.

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October 8, 2013

No one should say the words “cottage cheese” within hearing distance of women in bathing suits.

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Our Obituaries We Wrote for Each Other

Pip Wrote: Joe Hurray!  Joe Currie is dead!  Although he was known to have died on stage numerous times, he actually just really and truly died yesterday in his sleep from a tragic canned goods avalanche.  Joe was known to one and all as an angry man, he was prone to occasional  bouts of happiness…

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October 1, 2013

Refusing to write a will is not the magic key to immortality.

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Don’t Let ‘Em Tell You Who You Can be Friends With

I noticed in my little girl’s preschool her friends would try and tell her who she could and could not be friends with.  The new girl who was a bit different then the rest of the gang was strictly off limits or so my daughter’s friends would say.  One day, Skylar, my daughter, told us…

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September 24, 2013

Don’t use up two parking spaces in a crowded parking lot unless you have a ready supply of car touch up paint.

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September 17, 2013

  The speed of the car in front of you is inversely proportionate to the desperation with which you need to get home to the bathroom.

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The conclusion of the Fat Horse Challenge – By Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

As some of you may know the Fat Horse Challenge ended back on the August 27th show. What happened you say? Well the basis of the challenge was if I did not lose two pounds a week I would have to eat something disgusting as punishment. Since the inception of the challenge, I have eaten…

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There’s a Sucker Awake at Every Hour – Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

I never used to have insomnia.  As a matter of fact, people have often commented to me on how envious they are regarding how quickly I can fall asleep and stay asleep.  It was one blessing I could always count upon…until recently. During this uncharacteristic spate of sleeplessness, I try to do something as boring…

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The Porcelain God by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

There is nothing like a good stomach virus to remind you of how well you actually feel when you are not sick.  Perhaps I should not have called it a “good” stomach virus – there is nothing good about it.  Two days of waiting for the next episode of something horrible to happen, no notice…

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September 3, 2013

Even if you are St. Francis, you only have about a 75% chance of keeping your friend’s hamster alive until they get home from vacation.

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Laughter and Life

Apparently I am getting old.  It is odd because I do not feel old.  I actually feel better now then I did at this time last year.  Losing twenty pounds will do that for you I guess.  Yesterday I got news that hit me like a ton of bricks.  My best friend, the person outside…

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Taking Stock by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

A couple of years ago, I was in Atlantic City for a work conference, and I was in one of those little stores they have on the boardwalks and in the casinos that are full of snacks, overpriced souvenirs and the sundries that traveling people sometimes forget to pack.  The sales clerk seemed a little…

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August 13, 2013

    No matter where the cat throws up, you will only find it with your bare feet.

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Let’s cut the Bullshit! – Joe Currie – (Davin’s Den)

As most of the people know who listen to our show I am the Right Wing side of Davin’s Den.   When the Trayvon Martin verdict was handed down people started yelling racism and injustice. The president even came out and said he could have been Trayvon at that age. Funny Mr. President were you…

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July 30, 2013

  If a mean girl looses weight, she usually tells her fattest friend first.

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Autographs

A couple of weeks ago on the radio show we were talking about meeting celebrities.  I was in the minority when I said I really do not get excited about meeting famous people.  Even people whose work I really like and respect does not make me swoon.  Is that weird?  I think in our current…

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7/24/13

Puppies are cute until they eat their own poop. Boyfriends are cute until they eat your best friend.

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Helix V. Bank by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

At the tail-end of this 40-year historical low in mortgage rates (or so they say – I didn’t exactly investigate that for authenticity), my husband and I are in the middle of re-financing our mortgage.  I figured that even dropping a few percentage points from our current rate would be worth the usual scrutiny and…

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7/17/13

The prettier the counter help, the looser the coffee cup lid.

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The Beach – Joe Currie (Davin’ Den)

THE BEACH Living on long island is an expensive crowded place. One of the perks of paying some of the  highest property taxes in the country is that we have some of the most beautiful beaches in the country. I love the beach, so much so that when I die I want to come back…

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7/10/13

Always beware the old man who says, “Hey you kids, get ON my lawn!”

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7/3/2013

If she makes you use a coaster for your drink, she’s definitely going to make you use a condom in the pink.

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I Want to be Like Nobody Else

When I was a child I wanted to be like everybody else.  I did not want to be seen wearing a yarmulke ever because all of my friends were Christians and a yarmulke would make me stand out.  I wanted to wear designer clothes because my friends had designer clothes.  We could not afford that. …

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Vermont Days by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

When I was a child, my family would sometimes go up to Vermont to visit my grandmother and grandfather for a week during the summer.  I remember those trips very fondly.  Days of swimming at Lake Dunmore, wandering around the large field behind the house, playing with my cousins who sometimes visited, and exploring the…

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TALES FROM THE FAT HORSE CHALLENGE – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

Well it is June and the Fat Horse Challenge has been well under way since January and I am down just about twenty pounds. I feel good my old clothes are starting to fit again and I am well on my way to getting down to my goal of 200 pounds. This whole process though…

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Busy with life!

I am not even suppose to be writing this today.  Well initially I was but when my web guy could not get my Tuesday radio show online yesterday I figured I would post that today and do my blog tomorrow.  Tomorrow’s blog was suppose to be about our upcoming 100th show.  Funny thing happened, the…

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My Complicated Relationship with Meat by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

I know that the perverted section of our audience are squirming around in their seats with the pants down after reading that title, but really, this isn’t going to be about what you are thinking.  Pull your pants up, for crying out loud.  Or leave them down if you need a good airing out, as…

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I Am Back – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

To start, this blog is twelve hours past the dead line and two months ago I would never even bothered to call Davin and say it’s late.  You will see what I mean at the end.  If you are a fan of the show you,  might have  noticed that I departed back in the beginning…

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Signature Bit

I started two different radio shows because I always enjoyed doing radio when I was promoting comedy club appearances.  I think my skill set of sarcasm, quick wit, and a genuine curiosity about the people I talk to and the world around me lend well to this.  I came up with games like Name That…

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Maxine’s Protégé – Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

Okay, I think I am well on my way to becoming Hallmark’s Maxine. I was in a post office, not my usual one, to mail a package. I was the only customer, and there were two very nice clerks.  I was busy getting my package together, and heard the clerks whisper to each other about…

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Where did your face go?

Have you ever been friends with somebody only though Facebook and then their avatar disappears and it is only a chalk outline of a face left behind?  I find that disturbing.  Where did they go?  Were they sucked into the matrix?  Will we ever see a face again?  Why couldn’t they at least put in…

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Grumpy Vs. Bitchy by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

Here’s the thing about being in an irritable mood at work:  Men get to be grumpy.  Women only get to be PMSing bitches. Nobody says to a man who’s in a bad mood, “Hey Frank, do you have too much testosterone today or something?”, or assumes nosey things about bodily functions.    No.  A man in…

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There is No Please Stand By…

Do you remember as a kid when you would watch TV and on a very rare occasion in the middle of your show a still picture of the show would come up with a message that said, “Please Stand By We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties,”?  Often it would be accompanied by some type of music…

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Bang for My Buck – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

I have to get all my receipts together for my accountant this week to get my taxes done. After all the hassle I go through doing this and the fuss and the bother I never get any money back, After paying taxes on food, any product I buy, and one of the highest property taxes…

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Back in My Day – Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

Much to my clumsily combined dismay and amusement, I find that I have passed one of the inevitable mileposts in the march to old age.  I have begun to reminisce about “the good old days”.  Recently, I have found myself having conversations that begin with “back in the day” or “when we were young” with…

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Let’s Make Joe Currie Puke

So Joe came to us to help him lose weight.  He wanted inspiration via punishment.  I guess feeling better and looking better were not enough inspiration.  Well I certainly like to help people when I can.  Joe wanted us to come up with horrible things for him to eat if he did not lose enough…

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Cat Food – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

CAT FOOD If you were on Facebook this past week you would have been treated to pictures of me eating cat food live on our show. The response to this has been very interesting, from LOL to disgust. One response was from one of my Nephews’ Army colleagues calling me a middle aged fool and…

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Love Isn’t All You Need – Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

Before the internet arrived, bringing with it a whole new way of shopping for both material goods and mating material, people used to place personal ads in the newspaper to look for love.  Back in those olden days, when I was single and not very adept at meeting men of dating calibre, I answered one…

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I Hate Twitter!

There I said it.  I do not like having to try and be funny in 140 characters or less.  It was damn hard to come up with a 45 minute comedy routine to entertain a bunch of strangers.  Now if I want people to see me be funny for 45 minutes I need to lure…

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THE DEMISE OF THE SUPPORT SYSTEM – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

Last week if you listened to our show I was not on due to the passing of my Mother in Law. A lot of comics make Mother in law jokes myself included, which always bothered me as hacky but even more so as the take I had was really not the truth. My Mother in…

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The Quest for Greatness

When I was much younger I thought maybe I would like to run for public office.  I thought maybe I could even be President one day.  I don’t think that is an uncommon thought for a child.  I even carried out the political notion as I applied to law schools.  I figured that would get…

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Needs by Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

As you have probably heard from the show, I am a crazy cat lady.  My husband and I share the house with six cats, and while we don’t send them to the spa, buy them jewelry or serve their dinner in crystal dishes, I would daresay that they are pretty spoiled.  They live in a…

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The Fat Horse Challenge – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

If you have read my last blog it was all about being in a different place in my life at the end of this year. One part of this is to have my weight down to two hundred pounds from where I am currently at two hundred and thirty. I have always had a battle…

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Manti Te’o, Catfishing, & Romance Scams

Fooling people into loving the unreal seems to be the new trend.  I miss the days when we would just fall in love with the unobtainable.  For my Davin’s Den co-host Joe that would be Farrah Fawcett based on a poster.  We knew in our heart of hearts that we could not have this person…

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I’m expecting… Pip Helix (Davin’s Den)

I’m expecting… …a new laptop.  It should be arriving any moment, if the Fed Ex tracking information is to be believed.  It was conceived in a place I had never heard of before, Kunshan City, China, and then onto Shanghai, and then soon to my door, in a ridiculously fast turnaround time from order to…

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Joe’s 2012 in review – Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

Goodbye 2012 hello 2013   As Davin is working in paradise, I have the task of writing the blog for the show. Personally I hope stupid gets attacked by a Dolphin while Pip and I are freezing here back home. Anyway the thought of “what am I going to write about” starts every blog we…

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