Year: 2014

“Oh, he was just drunk.”  I wonder how many times in my life have I heard that excuse – the free pass for whatever someone does while inebriated. It implies that nearly anything someone does while inebriated is somehow allowed, because they are unable to control themselves while drunk, and more importantly, that no one…

Mr. Helix and I were recently wondering if we had a higher percentage of nutty friends than the average person.  Being a couple of eccentrics ourselves, it is probably true, since we are more likely to attract more unusual friends, and more importantly, much more likely to be tolerant of their eccentricities than other people…

The New Jersey Shore holds a special and complicated place in my heart.  When I was a child, our family would drive to “The Shore” for a week nearly every year, graduating from a shared motel room to staying in “efficiency apartments” as I got older.  On the ride down, I would stare out the…

Man, kids can be brutal to one another.  The teasing, the beatings, the relentless harassment – I remember being on the receiving end of some of it, and seeing it happen to other kids and not having the ovaries to stand up for them.  As an example of the former, there was this girl Helene…

There is an internet meme – one of those little phrases typed over a colorful background that people post on Facebook and other social media sites – that talks about how it is important to remember that some people have “invisible” illnesses.  For example, I have a friend who suffers, or rather battles with, one…

Mr. Helix and I were recently out in Las Vegas, where there are tons of service jobs available.  Between all of the casinos and the entertainment and food establishments on The Strip, not to mention the incredible number of taxis in the city, there is plenty of work for everyone.  Unfortunately, that means there is…

Oh man, did I ever get into it with my nemesis this weekend.  She thinks she is one bad bitch, just because she really rubbed me raw the last time we did battle.  But this time, I got over on her and her incredibly annoying and invasive friends. First of all, she had the nerve…

You.  Yes, YOU.  Scumbag dropping your dog off at the shelter because he’s not cute anymore.  Because he’s old and you want a newer dog.  Because his hips hurt and he doesn’t run around like a puppy anymore.  You cretinous, life-sucking maggot of an excuse for a human being.  YOU.  I’m talking to you. You…

I felt a stab of guilt, as I realized that my sense of self-congratulations over understanding what the veterinarian was describing in technical terms was entirely inappropriate.  Having repeatedly had the experience of standing in doctor’s offices while the details of a loved one’s condition and prognosis are described has given me a pretty decent…

  I used to be of the opinion that people who complained of allergies were just nerds with a piece of duct tape holding the bridge of their glasses together, whose whiny, neurotic mothers warned them of all the world’s dangers, and  then sent them out of the house to watch the other kids play,…

I hold grudges.  I know that it’s a particularly flattering thing to say about oneself, or a particularly healthy way to live, but I have to admit it’s true.  The topic has been coming up in conversation and in movies I’ve recently watched, so the issue has been on my mind lately. Now, when I…

In the bad old days, Casper Milquetoast had nothing on me.  I was a complete doormat, being nice to everyone and expecting everyone to be nice back.  When they weren’t, I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, and became stunned into selective mutism.  I did not know what to do when people would react in…

PIP HELIX – POEM   Twas the night before Obamacare The healthpocalypse was lurking But all through the Twittersphere, Were selfies of Miley twerking That’s morally bankrupt, some of you might say But Mr. Moms everywhere would like to T-bone her one day She hashtagged her fan base Much to their glee Her tongue is…