A-HA GOD PUNISHED YOU – by Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

This past Easter while people were with their families on a high holy holiday, I decided to go to the Auto show at Javits center in New York City, A small price to pay for eternal damnation.
Well I think I was damned to go as I was aggravated at every turn.
I take the train into the city as it is convenient, but you have to deal with the rudest people and there were plenty, first the asshole on the cell phone.
Are people that stupid or that rude that they don’t realize what a distraction they are? I wanted to smack him upside the head with his phone until the battery and most of his brain cells died.
Next up are the loud Puerto Rican girls talking and laughing so loud you could hear them back to San Juan. I wanted to walk over and tell them all to shut their faces but I did not have a death wish. Did you ever tell a Puerto Rican girl to shut up? You would be safer to go in a lion cage in a Zebra suit with a Wilder beast strapped to you.
Luckily they changed at Jamaica and my life changed for the better.
I get to Penn station and I am in hurry, and hungry so I decided to go to McDonalds to get two Egg Mcmuffins and a cup of coffee. Ten minutes waiting, really!!!, I do a joke in my act about McDonald workers not deserving fifteen dollars an hour and this demonstrates it, she acted like as I was wasting her time, could not care about the wait, and also was not to cheery about giving my money back as I was not waiting another minute longer.
I then go to the car show which was as exciting as milk and cookies with Ben Carson, some years are good, some years are eeh, this one was the latter. The one constant is the rude people every year.
Number one, Photos calm down with the photos they’re cars, hey look there’s a bus outside why don’t you make a movie. 
Number two, if you are going to sit in a car to check it out sit in there for three minutes maximum, don’t jump in and pretend you are going cross country, do you not see the line of people waiting to sit in the car too. I want to pull people from the car and smack them across the head with a hood ornament until they have a Cadillac emblem imbedded in their head.
We’ll all that was fun, now time to leave and get lunch. Of course as it was Easter I wanted a kosher deli meal. I walked fifty blocks (because I am too much of a cheap prick to take a cab) to the Carnegie deli one of the last authentic Jewish delicatessens in New York City. The sandwiches there are piled sky high and so was the crowed to get in, I would still be waiting.
With the Carnegie Deli out I am now storming down 7th Ave, but where to go?? I will go to TGI Fridays. Which should be called GFYS Fridays. I want to sit by a window; they tell me the section is closed, a waiter tells me I can sit there and takes my order. The Room manager comes in and then tells me there is a party coming in and I have to move down. I then pay for my $11.00 rip-off beer and walk out, and oh, what does GFYS stand for?? Go.Fuck.Your.Self !!!!.
I get back to Penn Station and find a Pizza Parlor and I sit way in the back where nobody is sitting with two slices of pizza so I can enjoy my Easter dinner and calm down.
This douche bag that works there decides to come all the way back sit by me and start talking on his cell phone. I wanted to borrow a pizza cutter rip out his eye cut it in eight slices (as it is a pizza parlor) and shove it down his fucking throat.
I catch my train and now I am heading home back on the train. Can I relax??? No, some parents think it would be adorable if their little child would read aloud for all to enjoy. One more word they are going to be reading off a milk carton.
What a lousy day and every step I could hear God Laughing and at every step I could hear Felix Unger from one Odd Couple episode saying A-Ha God punished you.
So next year I am going to do the unthinkable I am going to spend time with the family and go to church.

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