Some in Gen Z want to cancel emojis because they deem them as hostile, passive aggressive, and dismissive. Some were upset by the use of the heart symbol because it had a more intimate meaning of love. Some say using the Eggplant emoji is a turn off.

Where to start? I certainly don’t want to be passive aggressive. I’m from Jersey originally so I’ll just be aggressive. F U! Who has time to worry about the meaning behind emojis? If you are not sure about the meaning “man up” (yeah that phrase probably pisses people off too) and ask what the person means. It’s better than waging war on an inanimate object.

You have a problem with Thumbs up? How dare you! The patron saint of cool, Arthur “Fonzi” Fonzirelli used a thumbs up. Two actually and followed it with heyyyyyyyyy. You know what happened if you whined to Fonzi about a thumbs up? First he told you to sit on it and then he beat your ass. That being said, in Milwaukee in the 1950’s there was nothing better than getting a Fonzi thumbs up. Do you know how cool Milwaukee was in the 1950’s?

The younger generation says they feel it creates a hostile work environment. You know what a hostile work environment is? Being hit on everyday by your lecherous boss. Me Too was about getting your ass grabbed not about seeing an OK symbol in a text thread amongst co-workers. To recap, your fingers on my person not OK. The OK symbol in a text thread is hunky dory.

The heart symbol should have a more intimate meaning? Fine. I’ll send you a dick pic. Nothing is more intimate than seeing a dick pic in your inbox. When you see my dick pic you will know that I truly love the fact that you got a new car or that the barista got your order right. But I’m a girl, I can’t send a dick pic. Fine send a clit pic. On second thought scratch that. Many men won’t know what that looks like or what it is and we will have questions and be unsure and that’s what started this inane topic. Just show your boobs. Nobody gets mad at boobs. Or maybe they do. I didn’t think people got mad at an emoji of a monkey covering his eyes but apparently they do. Maybe I am old. Or maybe I have more important things to worry about.

Instead of an angry audience member at the end of a show yelling at me I’d love if they just gave me a poo emoji. It would make the conversation go much more quickly and I get could get back to selling my t shirts. And yes people are upset with the poo emoji. That I kind of get. I mean to be fair if I took a poop and my dookie was staring up at me with it’s bright white eyes I’d be freaked out. I’d never poo again. I’d probably be walking around with a grimacing face which is also an emoji on the hit list.

Some don’t like the eggplant emoji.  They say it is a turn off. I refer you back to the dick pic. Those are your options. I want to smash but that is crass so a nice eggplant emoji or better yet a dick pic says it best. As a matter of fact after the eggplant emoji I will send you a heart emoji. Maybe we get kinky and we invite the poo emoji. And if I do it right you don’t need to scream my name or tell your friends. Just simply give me the clapping emoji which is also on the cancel list. I won’t feel slighted. I won’t have questions about what you really mean. I will know. I will send you the lips emoji which is also on the list. We will save a lot of time this way and that will leave us more time to get our eggplant emoji, peach emoji, and water drop emoji on. We will be fulfilled and Gen Z can wag their finger at us but we will be in the afterglow and we can give them the thumbs up. If that pisses them off, I will be Fonzi and I will tell them to sit on it.

I’m kidding, I’m from Jersey. I’ll them to STFU. (Abbreviations are probably next).

We will talk about this and more on Tuesday’s Davin’s Den at 6:30 PM Est.

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