Pip Helix

June 26, 2018

When you find yourself about to criticize someone for something inconsequential, first ask, “What’s it to ya?’ What difference does it make in your life if someone has a stupid shirt on?

October 24, 2017

If you got Halloween candy as a kid, you have to give it out as an adult.

December 27, 2016

If you do it once, be prepared to be asked to do it again.

June 28, 2016

Driving slow in the left lane is way more dangerous than driving fast in the right

March 22, 2016

Even if they sell 31 flavors, get the vanilla if it’s your favorite.

December 15, 2015

If you have to run a red light, make a face like you are terrified.  That way, whatever crazy story you come up with to avoid the ticket, your face on the red-light cam will match. 

December 16, 2014

Buy people the presents you know they will like, even if it’s not necessarily the one you want to give them.

September 30, 2014

What happens in Vegas…is going to show up on your credit card statement.

August 26, 2014

If your friend with a lot of cats invites you to dinner, first buy them one of those novelty plates that says that “Food tastes better with a little cat fur.”  If they laugh, don’t eat there. 

July 15, 2014

Drivers – If you flip somebody off for some bone-headed driving mistake, you are doomed to make the same mistake within the next hour.