Pip’s Curmudgeonly Philosophy

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

August 4, 2020

Learn from Horror Movies – Don’t Taunt the Beast

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

June 26, 2018

When you find yourself about to criticize someone for something inconsequential, first ask, “What’s it to ya?’ What difference does it make in your life …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 24, 2017

If you got Halloween candy as a kid, you have to give it out as an adult.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

December 27, 2016

If you do it once, be prepared to be asked to do it again.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

June 28, 2016

Driving slow in the left lane is way more dangerous than driving fast in the right

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

March 22, 2016

Even if they sell 31 flavors, get the vanilla if it’s your favorite.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

December 15, 2015

If you have to run a red light, make a face like you are terrified.  That way, whatever crazy story you come up with to …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

December 16, 2014

Buy people the presents you know they will like, even if it’s not necessarily the one you want to give them.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

September 30, 2014

What happens in Vegas…is going to show up on your credit card statement.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

August 26, 2014

If your friend with a lot of cats invites you to dinner, first buy them one of those novelty plates that says that “Food tastes …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

July 15, 2014

Drivers – If you flip somebody off for some bone-headed driving mistake, you are doomed to make the same mistake within the next hour.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

June 24, 2014

Buying “thinspiration” pants is a guarantee to pack on at least 5 pounds.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

June 10, 2014

If you have close-by neighbors, something undesireable of theirs is going to come into your yard.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

May 6, 2014

A perfectly green lawn with no dandelions is the sign of misspent priorities.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

April 29, 2014

Instead of catering to their customers, Airlines now expect the customers to cater to them.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

April 22, 2014

If your cell phone runs out of charge or is set to no ring, that is when you will misplace it.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

April 15, 2014

Whenever you have to buy something embarrassing, there will be a young, attractive member of the opposite sex at the cash register. 

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

March 25, 2014

The way you feel about deer depends a lot on how close they are to your car.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

March 11, 2014

Even in a blackout, never light someone’s candle that is shaped like anything besides a normal candle.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

February 25, 2014

In the dating world, a red flag for most people is still a green light for some. 

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

February 18, 2014

The delivery man always waits until you are in the bathroom.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

February 4, 2014

When you use the car’s wiper fluid, the car’s wipers are automatically set – First swipe messes up the windshield so you can’t see anything.  The second swipe cleans the windshield.  The …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

December 17, 2013

If some people tried to sell their brains, the major selling point would be low mileage.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

November 26, 2013

If your living room is filled with roaches…that probably means you are totally out of snacks.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

November 12, 2013

Whenever someone starts a sentence with, “In all honesty” or “To tell you the truth”, you are about to be lied to.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

Winners of the best PHCP by a listener contest!

First Place – Mr Gee – The last bus home is the one you just missed Second Place – Trucker Tom – The one day …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

November 5, 2013

Staples are to sewing as pickle juice is to lube.  It might get the job done, but you won’t be happy with the results.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 29, 2013

I dislike both passive aggressive behavior and hypocrites. That’s why I’m saying this on air instead of talking to anyone face to face about it.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 22, 2013

Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 15, 2013

Some cultures say that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck.  It is, if you own a dry cleaners.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 8, 2013

No one should say the words “cottage cheese” within hearing distance of women in bathing suits.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

October 1, 2013

Refusing to write a will is not the magic key to immortality.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

September 24, 2013

Don’t use up two parking spaces in a crowded parking lot unless you have a ready supply of car touch up paint.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

September 17, 2013

  The speed of the car in front of you is inversely proportionate to the desperation with which you need to get home to the …

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

September 3, 2013

Even if you are St. Francis, you only have about a 75% chance of keeping your friend’s hamster alive until they get home from vacation.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

August 13, 2013

    No matter where the cat throws up, you will only find it with your bare feet.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

July 30, 2013

  If a mean girl looses weight, she usually tells her fattest friend first.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

7/24/13

Puppies are cute until they eat their own poop. Boyfriends are cute until they eat your best friend.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

7/17/13

The prettier the counter help, the looser the coffee cup lid.

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

7/10/13

Always beware the old man who says, “Hey you kids, get ON my lawn!”

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Pip's Curmudgeonly Philosophy

7/3/2013

If she makes you use a coaster for your drink, she’s definitely going to make you use a condom in the pink.

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