Pip’s Curmudgeonly Philosophy
Take a break and read all about Davin Comedy
August 4, 2020
Learn from Horror Movies – Don’t Taunt the Beast
June 26, 2018
When you find yourself about to criticize someone for something inconsequential, first ask, “What’s it to ya?’ What difference does it make in your life …
October 24, 2017
If you got Halloween candy as a kid, you have to give it out as an adult.
December 27, 2016
If you do it once, be prepared to be asked to do it again.
June 28, 2016
Driving slow in the left lane is way more dangerous than driving fast in the right
March 22, 2016
Even if they sell 31 flavors, get the vanilla if it’s your favorite.
December 15, 2015
If you have to run a red light, make a face like you are terrified. That way, whatever crazy story you come up with to …
December 16, 2014
Buy people the presents you know they will like, even if it’s not necessarily the one you want to give them.
September 30, 2014
What happens in Vegas…is going to show up on your credit card statement.
August 26, 2014
If your friend with a lot of cats invites you to dinner, first buy them one of those novelty plates that says that “Food tastes …
July 15, 2014
Drivers – If you flip somebody off for some bone-headed driving mistake, you are doomed to make the same mistake within the next hour.
June 24, 2014
Buying “thinspiration” pants is a guarantee to pack on at least 5 pounds.
June 10, 2014
If you have close-by neighbors, something undesireable of theirs is going to come into your yard.
May 6, 2014
A perfectly green lawn with no dandelions is the sign of misspent priorities.
April 29, 2014
Instead of catering to their customers, Airlines now expect the customers to cater to them.
April 22, 2014
If your cell phone runs out of charge or is set to no ring, that is when you will misplace it.
April 15, 2014
Whenever you have to buy something embarrassing, there will be a young, attractive member of the opposite sex at the cash register.
March 25, 2014
The way you feel about deer depends a lot on how close they are to your car.
March 11, 2014
Even in a blackout, never light someone’s candle that is shaped like anything besides a normal candle.
February 25, 2014
In the dating world, a red flag for most people is still a green light for some.
February 18, 2014
The delivery man always waits until you are in the bathroom.
February 4, 2014
When you use the car’s wiper fluid, the car’s wipers are automatically set – First swipe messes up the windshield so you can’t see anything. The second swipe cleans the windshield. The …
December 17, 2013
If some people tried to sell their brains, the major selling point would be low mileage.
November 26, 2013
If your living room is filled with roaches…that probably means you are totally out of snacks.
November 12, 2013
Whenever someone starts a sentence with, “In all honesty” or “To tell you the truth”, you are about to be lied to.
Winners of the best PHCP by a listener contest!
First Place – Mr Gee – The last bus home is the one you just missed Second Place – Trucker Tom – The one day …
November 5, 2013
Staples are to sewing as pickle juice is to lube. It might get the job done, but you won’t be happy with the results.
October 29, 2013
I dislike both passive aggressive behavior and hypocrites. That’s why I’m saying this on air instead of talking to anyone face to face about it.
October 22, 2013
Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.
October 15, 2013
Some cultures say that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck. It is, if you own a dry cleaners.
October 8, 2013
No one should say the words “cottage cheese” within hearing distance of women in bathing suits.
October 1, 2013
Refusing to write a will is not the magic key to immortality.
September 24, 2013
Don’t use up two parking spaces in a crowded parking lot unless you have a ready supply of car touch up paint.
September 17, 2013
The speed of the car in front of you is inversely proportionate to the desperation with which you need to get home to the …
September 3, 2013
Even if you are St. Francis, you only have about a 75% chance of keeping your friend’s hamster alive until they get home from vacation.
August 13, 2013
No matter where the cat throws up, you will only find it with your bare feet.
July 30, 2013
If a mean girl looses weight, she usually tells her fattest friend first.
7/24/13
Puppies are cute until they eat their own poop. Boyfriends are cute until they eat your best friend.
7/17/13
The prettier the counter help, the looser the coffee cup lid.
7/10/13
Always beware the old man who says, “Hey you kids, get ON my lawn!”
7/3/2013
If she makes you use a coaster for your drink, she’s definitely going to make you use a condom in the pink.