I have so many balls up in the air that I often feel manic. I feel I can’t sit in one place. I feel that if I am not doing something I am falling behind. Right now I am writing this blog but thinking is this the best use of my time. Actually right now it is the best use of my time so it is ok.
Right now I am waiting for things to be done that I do not have the ability to do myself. That is the most frustrating thing. If it is on me I will work until the wee hours so things are done ahead of schedule if possible. If it is on others then I need to wait on their schedule and deal with delays that may or not be their fault but that I can’t work towards fixing.
These are big deals. Some potentially bigger than others but still things that I have been working the past several years to achieve. I can almost taste the next level but I might not get close to it because certain things are beyond my control. This is what drives me crazy. The lack of control.
It is the not controlling my own destiny that makes me not ideal when it comes to having a boss. I have always been self motivated. I can take advice for sure and appreciate it when somebody imparts knowledge on me. It is just relying on somebody to get the end result I have always had problems with.
The solution is where possible learn how to do more things myself. And I have. There was a time where I could not even publish this very blog. Now I can. The down side upon being able to do more things is that it means more things I have to do and even less free time. It seems to be some type of vicious game where either I am waiting impatiently or feverishly working. Neither is ideal.
I think I am happier when I am working to resolve a problem or a job then when I am waiting on others. If I was waiting I could relax and ease my mind maybe but the helplessness ruins it for me.
Right now I am reduced to waiting…again. At least I finished this blog which was on my to do list and briefly took my mind off of other things. Thank you blog. Now back to my manic insanity.