I JUST WANT TO GO HOME – By Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

 The worst feeling in the world is when you just want to go home and you have to go to the super market because there is absolutely no food in the house, nothing, just some trident gum and half a bottle of juice, not even a feast for a cock roach.
I try to avoid the supermarket like the plague so I decide to get my lazy ass some fast food. You ever get finicky and don’t know what you want to eat, it’s to the point where Morris the Cat would go knock it off stupid.
Where to go?? McDonald’s uuch, Burger king? No, Subway? Didn’t that kid toucher guy do commercials for them? Well I am not supporting that. 
White Castle? Not at gun point. I have only had their food twice and both times it felt like someone parked a Buick in my colon.  
At this point I would have rather of dunked my balls in piranha tank than go to the supermarket but I have no choice.
 My local Super Market is King Kullen and they have this store that is set up non- conventionally with no straight aisles. It is also dimly lit and it is like shopping in a Zombie movie. I want to find something to eat without feeling like somebody wants to eat me.
The worst part of shopping is shopping with other people, especially the person who has to stop and take their time and stare at everything you are trying to get to. “Stop Staring” It’s not the “Shroud of Turin” asshole its chop meat, buy it put it in your cart and scram. 
I love the person who comes up to you while you’re looking at something and wants to start a conversation about what you are looking at. I just walk away from them while they are in mid conversation and leave them standing there in front of the olive display that they wanted to discuss. Yes it is rude, but try it, it’s funnier than a Midget on a Hoppity hop.
Leaving the super market is just as bad as being there. I had the luck of having the moron in front of me that is buying literally seventy packs of gum that the cashier has to scan individually. Who chews seventy packs of gum?? The same guy that is buying twenty boxes of Mallomars and a case of motor oil as well.
After almost ten minutes I stormed away as the check out girl was moving like shit through a tin horn.
I get on a new line and some clown comes up to me with one item and asks me if I have been there longtime and I said yeah enough. I decided to be Mr. Helper guy and told him he should go down the next checkout lane. I would have told him to go to hell but the look on his face when he wound up behind the gum and Mallomar guy was priceless.
While I was enjoying watching this I noticed my new line was not moving so I went the self check out, which always screws up at your second to last item. And you have to stand there stranded like you are on some desert island waiting for the lady to come by to help you but who knows when because she is too busy bullshitting with someone at the courtesy desk. And courtesy is the key as she saunters over and resets the machine doesn’t even acknowledge me like I am garbage and the saunters away like the queen of Sheba.
Well I got news for you your highness you and your store can go screw  themselves and enjoy putting everything back. I also invite you to shove several things up your ass.
As I stormed out of the store It dawned on me I had nothing to eat.
Did I tell you how much I love White Castle?   

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *