KABOOM! – By Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

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Every July 4thfrom sunset until eleven pm it sounds like a war zone with fireworks.  But it always used to be me in my neighborhood that there was fireworks about a week before.
The cops in my county have been cracking down, which leads to believe that’s the reason. I wish I lived in Pennsylvania where they have fireworks stores with aisles and aisles of stuff to blow your hand off with.
But in my area they were always illegal but that never stopped us as there have been ways to get your “works”When I was in high school it was the creepy guy your buddy knew at a school you didn’t go to. He would meet us and he would open the trunk of his Chevy Nova and there would be enough stuff to start an insurgency. When you were an adult it was the lunch truck at work that in mid-June was one side lunch and one side explosives, Think of a tank that also had coffee. The guy would give you a menu and you would pick what you want and he would ring up your stuff with your breakfast, “I will take this Coffee, egg bacon and cheese, three mortars, twenty M80’s and a Roman candle, now that’s the breakfast of champions.
 
Then there was the big party on the fourth, and the ones we had ruled, six hours of alcohol and explosions. It was like Disney Land for mental patients until the cops would stop in.
Every year the cops would wade through a pile of paper from the exploded fireworks, smell the stench of gun powder, see a tree on fire, and witness a guy running around with no hand anymore and they would always ask the same question ANY FIRE WORKS HERE????  every year we would give the same answer.  No officer not here” because we saw them pull up we would stash the rest of the stuff under a bush or my buddie’s sisters play house so they couldn’t do anything.
We would also make our own creations; one of our specialties was the” Liquid Wrench bomb” which was forty eight M80’s emptied into a Liquid Wrench can. It was very dangerous to make so when we did we made sure we plied with booze, how much?? One night we went to set it off somewhere and we were so drunk we forgot to bring the thing. 
When we did remember to bring it was powerful. One time we set off every car alarm in the neighborhood and flattened our buddies sisters confirmation cake a mile away.   
We loved M80’s they were the explosive of choice, here are some the things that have fell prey to the almighty M80.
Fence posts, Fences, The bleachers at John Glen High School, the toilet in the Men’s room of John Glen High School, my ten speed, a 71 Ford Maverick, and our favorite place, the culvert in the sump, that was like the Yucca flats proving ground to us. Hearing the echo in that thing when it went off it was like church bells to a Monk.
I love when people call sparklers fireworks, there not fireworks there Sissy sticks. To me Fireworks are something that awes you, scares the shit out of you as you laugh hysterically, or test the durability of whatever you apply it to. Sparklers are for pussies and frankly un-American.
So next fourth of July be American and remember these words, Place on ground, light fuse, get away    

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