So Joe came to us to help him lose weight. He wanted inspiration via punishment. I guess feeling better and looking better were not enough inspiration. Well I certainly like to help people when I can. Joe wanted us to come up with horrible things for him to eat if he did not lose enough weight every week. Joe thought he should lose 10 pounds a week. Joe is a moron and I am not heartless so I said 2 pounds a week would much more healthy and realistic. So that was the goal.
Most weeks Joe fails. Why? because he is a moron. Weight loss much like life pits Joe’s strengths on a direct collision course with his weaknesses. Joe’s strength is he is an extremely hard worker. Unfortunately he does not work smart so for all of his best efforts and intentions the results are often lackluster. Joe’s strategy is to work like a maniac at the gym. He also thinks starving himself followed by eating foods that are empty in nutrition and high in calories is the way to go. The day of the challenge Joe works out and starves himself. Then he loses the challenge, eats something less than desirable & then inhales slim jims & kit kat candy bars. All the while he is more irritable and tired than usual which is saying something. Joe is probably doing more damage to his body this way as he now gets even less sleep then usual. Joe has lost weight before when he did Weight Watchers. It was structured and under a strict program under guidance. This plays to Joe’s strengths. Give him a set of instructions and more often then not he will be successful. But Joe wanted to do this his way.
So though he is ultimately the loser the show benefits. Joe has given us some great radio with these eating stunts. Joe handled the khalua and lemon juice without incident. We were assured it would make him puke. He felt a bit queasy but he endured. He mocked us when he joyfully inhaled wet catfood. He even took an extra portion & sopped up the leftovers with a fig newton. He plowed through the hot Chinese oil this week. I knew he would. This stomach is no ordinary stomach. I do not like being openly mocked during this process.
So we enlist you the faithful listener to help yet again. While doing this it occurs to me that what was once deemed disgusting is now more acceptable due to shows like Bizarre Foods & Fear Factor. I have seen people eat live beating tuna hearts & horse penises. Sometimes happily other times with great difficulty. Another of Joe’s qualities is that he is stubborn. He will not give us the satisfaction of saying a challenge was rough due to his stubborn pride. To get any type of reaction we are going to need his body to revolt while he is repulsed.
I am thinking brine shrimp and aquarium water. Other ideas are vinegar but our fans now have a new respect for Joe’s tummy and they think it will not phase him. Octopus was suggested but though it is chewy people eat it all the time…or throw it on a hockey rink. Another concoction of booze was suggested to me but I think Joe likes booze even more than food. Knowing him he would ask for a double. A terrible cheese was recommended but the smell would empty out the house so I think I would need to have Joe do that outside…of my zip code. I was thinking stage one meat baby food because that has a smell that makes me gag. The one thing I know for sure is I do not want to take an animal or insects life in the name of making Joe puke. Other then that I am open to suggestions. We would prefer it is something that is not poisonous as really what am I going to do with that corpse around the house? Email me at email@example.com…if we use your suggestion & Joe pukes we will send you something cool.