Life of my spam filter By – Davin Rosenblatt

My life is rather ordinary. Wife, kid, job, bills, etc. My spam filter on the other hand has a lot of things going on and if it acts fast and does half the propositions in there they may make a movie about him.
My spam filter really has his choice of incredibly attractive and available women. He has several options on what he wishes to do with them. He has women just asking if he will be there f**k friend. Apparently no strings attached. My spam filter must be very attractive and desirable. I assure you I do not get such offers from strangers. Some of the requests from attractive women are a bit more classy. Sometimes they say Spammie can just take them out sometime. All Spammie has to do is send a private message or watch these ladies at their day gig on the cam for a bit and then they can paint the town red.  Spammie is like a damn rock  star. Still I wonder if Spammie longs for a more committed relationship. 
Spammie is not perfect though. Apparently he has a below average sized penis that does not always rise to the occasion. Here, once again, me and Spammie are different but I digress. Fortunately for Spammie there are a ton of people offering a wide variety of solutions to his issues.  It is this type of generosity that makes me realize how wonderful people can be. I wonder how he chooses between Extenz, Viagra, and Cialis. 
Spammie also has bad skin.  I never noticed his acne but it apparently is an issue but fortunately again people are looking to help Spammie be the best spam filter he can be. I am really struck by how generous his Canadian pharmaceutical friends are.  They are willing to give him up to 80% off of his prescription drugs. Me and my friends complain how expensive medicine is. I never hear Spammie complain and now I know why.
Spammie can do things that mere mortals can’t. I often see he has received messages from friends that have died long ago.  I miss these people in my life but it makes me feel good to know that wherever they are they still have internet access and can drop a line to touch base with Spammie.  I guess even in heaven everybody is plugged in.  To get an email from a departed friend would startle me but Spammie gets them so often he is unphased. 
Besides being a lady’s man and communicator with the dead, Spammie is apparently a world traveler as he is constantly getting offers to travel to exotic places at deep discounts.  I travel to exotic places as well but go for work. According to Spammie he can go to places like Jamaica for cheaper than it would cost me to go to Boise.
I do not understand Spammie’s financial situation to be honest.  Apparently he is out of work as there are great job opportunities that await him. Still so many people want to give him cheap credit or have him go in on a business venture with them.  How can this be? Most out of work people I know can’t get any loans let alone loans at very good rates. Spammie must know things others do not. So many come to him with business opportunities yet I have never known him to act on a single one. He gets offers from foreign princes, lawyers, businessmen, and more.  Maybe Spammie gets secret business tips from my dead friends. 
So as you can see I can’t really relate to Spammie but every so often he puts one of his offers in my inbox so I can see what he is up to. It might be nice to have all these hot women throwing themselves at me but to be honest with all the medical issues he has, the constant travel, and people pestering him with business opportunities I think I am the lucky one. And remember, we don’t walk this planet forever but when we pass on we shall live in your spam filter for eternity.

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