NIP, NIP, HOORAY!

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After spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to prevent women from walking around topless Fort Collins, Colorado has withdrawn their lawsuit. A federal court had already ruled that such a ban was unconstitutional as it was discriminatory against women. The city had argued that a repeal of the ban would lead to women “parading in front of elementary schools or swimming topless in the public pool.”  With the withdrawal of this lawsuit it means in the six states covered by the 10 Circuit Court (Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Utah and Wyoming) women are free to let the girls out.

Listen, I love a good nipple. I am not a fan of a hairy nipple.  I think the reason I love nipples is because we never get to see nipples. Remember watching scrambled porn as a kid? If you got a ten second glimpse of a nipple it made the night. I think if we get to see more nipples they will just become as mundane as seeing an elbow. Culture sexualizes body parts. I am sure in countries with Sharia law if a man gets a glimpse of an ankle he feels a stirring inside of him. When men see ankles in America it stirs nothing.  People want to see what they are forbidden to see.

Once we unleash the nipples maybe us guys won’t go so  ga ga over them. If we move to a totally naked society maybe that would be a good thing. Think of all the money we would save on clothes.  Of course, we would spend that money on sun tan lotion and sanitizer but at least we wouldn’t be so hung up on body parts.

If we freed the nipple earlier Janet Jackson’s career never would have gone off  the rails due to a wardrobe malfunction. I mean we all have nipples so it isn’t a big deal right? The only difference between male nipples and female nipples is that female nipples are working girls. They serve a purpose. Male nipples do nothing more than provide a target for a purple nurple. Nobody wants to have their nurples purple but I digress.

Free it all. Let the balls bounce. Air out the junk even if it is shrunk. Let the va  jay jay say hey hey. Sure a lot of us would be self-conscious at first but in time it would all seem so normal.

And this is a choice so many of us would still keep ourselves covered up. I probably would but at least it wouldn’t be mandatory. There is a downside though. What happens if people nipple shamed? What if some nipples were deemed too pink or too brown or too long or inverted or hairy or one nipple stood up and one nipple acted like it was Colin Kaepernick hearing  the national anthem? Would we have a new problem on our hands? Would we have to sit with our children and tell them all nipples are created equal no matter what they look like?

I look forward to heading out west and seeing nipples on display. All sorts of glorious nipples. And I will not discriminate. I will provide ice cubes for all nipples that way each nipple will have the opportunity to look its nipply best.

Tune on Tuesday at 6:30 PM Est as Joe and Pip will weigh in on this. Maybe they will nipple shame me and  I will rethink it all. Maybe we will all be in agreement and do our post show Facebook Live show with our nipples out in support of this mammary decision. Tune in Tokyo to find out!

 

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