OKAY WINTER WE GET IT – By Joe Currie (Davin’s Den)

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I am so done with winter, I mean done I am sick and tired of getting up walking out into the second week of temperatures in the single digits. Cold is something you never get used to unless you’re a polar bear and if I think the bear could talk he would even say “Really”. Some people say that last year was worse but not me because last year at this time I was in the Desert and got a reprieve.

The only up side to this two week stretch of sub zero weather is that in my day program I sell cables that keep pipes from freezing, several weeks ago I had a season’s worth of stuff on the shelves that was not moving. I figured I would be stuck with this stuff and I would be screwed. A week and a half later and all gone, thanks winter but it’s too late to make friends.

I also hate getting into a cold car when I forget to use the remote start (yes I am a honey bunch) just sitting there freezing while the outside thermometer is reminding me its two degrees.

Another joy of the season is at the beginning of the week and seeing a snow storm that will be coming for the weekend. For a person not in show biz that means a nice weekend indoors with the family. For a working comic that means a gig I have to get to in horrible weather.

I have had to do several gigs in this weather in the past few weeks and I have learned several things 1) The Garden state Parkway maintenance crews have no clue what a snow plow is 2) The weather in Schenectady is radically different than on Long Island. 3) The snow plow at the Hotel in Schenectady consists of some dude with a shovel.

The snow plow at my house also consists of some dude with a shovel. If I have to shovel the driveway again I am going to scream I don’t have a snow blower because the fact of moving tons of snow by hand will not overrule the fact that I am a cheap Scotsman and I am not going to spend money on something that I will use four times a year.

I am also getting fed up with the news sensationalizing the weather. Don’t name the storm you will just enable it. Also stop reporting on the snowstorms from the beach. They will go to a live remote of a reporter on the beach and they will actually say “Were reporting from the beach and no one is here”,,, you know why???? “IT’S FEBRUARY”.

I am also sick of going through fuel oil like beer at a frat house. I have a soon to be ex wife that calls me a lot of names and I wonder why she has never called me an Arab sheik because she thinks I have oil wells in the back yard just feeding the oil burner. 3k a year I spend on fuel oil and she doesn’t care, why? Because she doesn’t help pay for it. But that’s another blog or deposition depending which my luck goes  

Even when winter does bid a fare a due it will be with creating huge floods from the snow melting and thus turning my basement into the engine room from the Titanic.

I would love to write more but I have to go out and defrost the car.

 

Cheers 

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