Oh man, did I ever get into it with my nemesis this weekend. She thinks she is one bad bitch, just because she really rubbed me raw the last time we did battle. But this time, I got over on her and her incredibly annoying and invasive friends.
First of all, she had the nerve to come creeping back into my neighborhood and show her face. Sure, she looks all right, all tricked out in her tacky, shiny new outfit for spring, with her creepy little friend right by her side, as always. Why that third, English girl is doing with these two tramps, I have no idea, but the three of them are thick as thieves. The creep and the English girl are always covering for their evil friend, too, which I will never understand. If you want to be evil, just do it, own it. What a coward, hiding behind her henchwomen.
So I saw the three of them slithering up my hill on Sunday, and I just lost it. I mean, I went into complete beserker mode. I went after the closest one, and attacked.
I grabbed the long tendrils of her ugly hair, and RIPPED with all my might, knowing that if I yanked hard enough, I was going to get a handful, and hear a satisfying snapping noise for my troubles. I wasn’t satisified with one hunk, though, and kept ripping and ripping, knowing that with this skanky whore, it was all just going to come loose in my hands.
One down, two to go. I laid into my nemesis with a little more care, because I knew from past experience how dangerous and sneaky she can be. I dug into her with full force, and I am not bragging when I say that I left her pretty damaged and with a good chunk missing.
But I still wasn’t satisfied, and I ripped into the English bitch too. I admit it, I cut the bitch! She had it coming, too. Just because everyone thinks that she is so pretty and refined doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have the same lowlife habits as her friends, and I was just sick of looking at her at that point.
Somehow, during the heat of battle, one of the bitches must’ve gotten in a good shot while I was all high on the adrenalin of the battle, because when it was all done, I had a shooting pain in my back. But even though one of them got in a blow, I emerged victorious from the battle. They pretend to be the biggest, baddest of them all, but they were not prepared for the heat of battle with me this weekend.
There will be other battles ahead, probably even next weekend. But for now, the Poison Ivy, Virginia Creeper and English Ivy in my side yard are at bay.