Well President Obama won re-election much to the chagrin of a little less than half the nation. I guess it is time we all rally around our president and try to make the United States the best country it can be via compromise. Or not. Now every state in the Union has petitioned for secession. Awesome!
We should all go our own way and have the governors be presidents of all these little nations. I mean let’s be honest a lot of these states stink anyway. First to go on my list is Florida. With them out of the way we can finally have election night end in one night instead of waiting for weeks for Florida to get their shit together. The fact that Florida gave us Tim Tebow is reason enough to let them go. It seems Florida is the only place that truly loves Sexy Jesus so Tebow can be the patron saint of Florida. Plus they give us psychos like Casey Anthony, huge bugs, & endless bad hair days. We have New York, one state filled with old Jews is more than enough. Sure they have Disney World but they also have Lebron James. I think losing a mouse so that we can also lose a rat is a push. Also, Florida looks like a dick. Just hanging there which of course makes Georgia & Alabama the balls.
Joe Currie wanted Vermont gone. To be honest I didn’t even know Vermont was still a state. I mean once Ben & Jerry’s got sold to Unilever I stopped paying attention. Joe pretty much told Vermont to take their maple syrup and shove it in their tree stump. I like maple syrup but the black population in this country is underemployed so if no maple syrup means more work for Aunt Jemimah then count me in.
I guess if every state goes their own way we will need 50 passports if we want to travel in North America. On the bright side a passport usually takes several weeks so that gives me a couple of weeks before I can travel to NJ to see my folks or the in-laws. I call that a win.
The question is what independent state is going to claim DC. I say nobody claims them. They can become independent too. The way I see it, if DC is left to their own devices they kill each other off soon enough and then the independent nations of Virginia & Maryland can fight over the land. The loser of that battle has to take the Washington Redskins.
In reality no states are going to secede. That takes a lot of work and effort and really we are Americans and though we would love to do that a repeat of Honey Boo Boo is coming on so maybe later. We are a nation that can’t leave our smartphone and our social media for more than a day. We like to join things not give things up. Here is what we can do which would be way more American. Every state should start a facebook page for secession and then we can all like it, share it, and retweet it. If we all do that then every state will have successfully seceded…in the cloud…which is where your head is if you really think having your state leave the greatest democratic experiment the world has ever seen is a good idea.