Signature Bit

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I started two different radio shows because I always enjoyed doing radio when I was promoting comedy club appearances.  I think my skill set of sarcasm, quick wit, and a genuine curiosity about the people I talk to and the world around me lend well to this.  I came up with games like Name That Orgasm, Bitter On Twitter, God Porn or You Porn etc. because I felt they had never been done before.  I though they would make us different.  I still think they make us different.  I think the chemistry between Joe, Pip, and myself is very good.  I think we do a good job of interviewing people.  I think we are a good general topic talk show like a Howard Stern, Opie & Anthony, Imus, etc.  We just toil in relative obscurity on the internet.  I think the time is right for new shows of this genre.  I can think anything I want but nobody cares what I think.

 

I still remember sitting at my dining room table banging away on my computer when Flore Howard popped into my life.  She friend requested me.  I had no idea who she was but I figured she was a comedy fan from a show.  I accepted.  Shortly thereafter she popped onto my screen and we were talking.  Her with bad English.  Me with bemused curiosity.  Within 24 hours or so she loved me.  Who can blame her?  I was captivated.  I felt in my heart that this was not legitimate.  I spent hours doing research on what I was dealing with.  I was dealing with a full blown African romance scammer.  The ploy to get me to fall in love so I would send my money to her.  Of course for me to believe her I would need to suffer trauma to the head but that is because I am cynical.  They fool people…all the time.  Even the bad scammers like Flore. 

 

As I was typing to her on that first day I messaged Pip on Facebook.  I told her I think I had something good for the show.  I could only give her a brief, vague description of what I was up to because I knew in my heart if this were to work for radio I would need Pip & Joe’s honest, spontaneous reaction.  I spent hours talking with Flore.  The show’s home at the time was the Compound which meant we were on Anthony’s schedule.  This meant we would not do shows every week.

 

I remember it was about two weeks after I started talking to my new girlfriend Flore and we finally had a Davin’s Den ready to go.  I had a few hundred pages of conversation ready for the show.  I was going to read these conversations and hope it would spark a good reaction from Joe, Pip, and Anthony.  I believed in my heart that I had some very funny and pertinent stuff.  I also knew I was asking myself to do a bit that essentially involved me reading and that could be very boring. 

 

I read the conversations on the air at the Compound.  This was our first scammer so I needed to set up the background.  I needed to let people know what these people were.  I needed to set up the background with Flore.  You can’t go into this type of thing and be the wacko my character would become with Flore right off the bat.  As they lure you in, you too must lure them in. 

 

I began and Pip was hooked right away.  Joe and Anthony were interested but quickly began making jokes about the length of the materials.  Soon a mutiny was a foot.  Anthony had other distractions at the Compound that he wanted to attend to.  Joe was following Anthony’s lead and sabotaging the bit.  I was growing annoyed.  Pip kept the bit going by being engaged and asking good questions.  We got through the bit.  Joe & I had a screaming match after the show.  It might have been our first.  It was not our last.  Joe contended the bit was too long.  He may have had a point but I did not appreciate the mutiny mid show.  It was a bone of contention.  Joe still thinks the bit might be too long.  He still may be right.

 

After that show I was convinced we had something.  Pip was convinced we had something.   Joe, well I really do not know what Joe thought to be honest.  I am the head writer on the show and it was my decision and the bit would live on.  Through the weeks that followed I increased my antics with Flore.  I would go on a comedy tour with Andrew Dice Clay and the Three Stooges, we would call Flore up in the middle of the night and wake her up, Joe would eventually call the “internet company” for Flore and offer to send them a Yak, drachmas, and a farm animal to be named later.  The antics we have committed are too numerous to recount.  (Of course you can relive them in our archives). This bit made Anthony’s eyes bag out.  He was blown away.  That was big for me because I always respected the work he and Opie did on their show.  This was just the beginning for the bit.

 

We would go onto scam other romance scammers, lottery scammers, and malware scammers.  Scammers would write porn for me, hear me get shot, reveal themselves to me, send terrible poems to me, and be driven crazy by my insistence that I collect my lottery winnings exclusively in nickels and dimes.  Our work would evolve from the insane to the soap operatic.  Pip calls them “her stories”.  We would uncover nuances to these scams that had never been seen before. I still do not tell Pip & Joe what I am up to until they hear it live on the air.  I have a backlog of stuff that I can’t wait to share with them and you.

 

All through this time the show Catfish broke on MTV.  Mantei Teo got fooled and this became a hot topic.  Still we pressed on and learned more and started helping people.  Informing people and in some cases saving people from being scammed. 

 

I know we scam the scammers better then anybody.  We have the fertile minds of crazy comics who have a real hatred for our targets.  Every scammer who gets in my cross hairs is a new story for you to enjoy and a new hell for me to unleash on them.  I just heard of a scam where they get a woman to fall in love and start planning a wedding.  The woman tells her family and is all in.  Of course the whole time she is sending money.  He never shows up for the wedding.  This scammer is the lowest of the low and this type of scam is the gasoline that fuels my manic insanity with this stuff.

 

We got told the other night that “we have something.”  The person that said that to me  I have known a long time.  He never has said that to me.  In my business everybody starts with “No” and goes from there.  We have the only bit in radio that makes you laugh, is a soap opera, informs, and even helps people.  We have that bit.  Nobody else does.  I knew it was special when I wrote it.  Pip knew it was special when she heard it.  Joe, well I don’t know when Joe thought it was special but I believe he does now.  This could be the thing that gives us our chance at a bigger audience.

 

It is our signature bit but it is not all Davin’s Den is.   That being said if the people that have taken so much from so many innocent can provide me my opportunity then I am going to take it.  I am going to entertain our fans and I am going to get the word out about what these people do and I am going to help take them down.  If I am going to have a “Signature Bit” it is going to be the best ‘Signature Bit” ever.  Like Gallagher smashing a watermelon except in our case it is the fruits that are doing the smashing!

 

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