SLOW DRIVERS

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Move!!!!  Just go!!!!

I don’t know why I feel the need to go fast in my car but I do.  I at least want to do the speed limit.  Going less than the speed limit in clear weather drives me nuts.  It is like nails on a chalk board.  I break out into a sweat I get so irritated.

Often it is our most senior of citizens that are the culprit of the slow driving.  I will be honest, a 90 year old man doing 80 terrorizes me.  But a 90 year old going 15 miles below the speed limit on a one lane road makes me want to go Nascar and bump them into the wall.  There is no reason to be doing 35 in a 50 in clear skies and daylight.  Are the trees pretty?  Then pull over and look at them but don’t admire them behind the wheel.  Some of us have places to go.  Some of us have to pee.  Some of us might not live to 90 and we don’t want to waste time staring at the back of your head.  It will not be your exhaust pipe because I am tail gating much to closely for that.  I flash my high beams and you think it is the Lord calling you home and apparently your are in no mood to meet your maker.  Just go!!!

I have done everything humanly possible to permit me to do the speed limit and beyond.  Radar detector. Check.  PBA card. Check. List of alibis. Check.  The only thing I can’t factor in is your slow ass.

Trucks going below the speed limit in the fast lane have a special place of annoyance for me.  I know the truck in the right lane is going slower than any of us would like but you going slow in the fast lane at a slightly faster clip than the other guy is now clogging up the whole highway.  If you can’t step on it once you get to the left lane then you should have to suffer in the right lane.  You have a CB.  Get on it and tell the Snow Man he is screwing up your delivery time and to move it.  Don’t screw up my time.  You are costing me valuable minutes. 

 

If you have a sports car and you refuse to at least do the speed limit your car should be confiscated and given to a teenager who at the very least will get laid in it.  I can tell you one thing, a teen never drives too slowly.  They have raging hormones and they don’t know where they are going or what they are doing but they know they better get there quickly.  If you have a sports car and can’t manage the speed limit then get your butt in a minivan.  I can’t get pissed at a slow minivan because I figure your life sucks as it is and my horn is only going to encourage you to slow down to punish me so that I am miserable as well.

 
Keep this in mind, if we all go fast then there will be no traffic jams.  Traffic jams are for slow or stopped cars.  If everybody just follows my advice of GO!!!!!  then you will never have to leave early again.  And neither will I.

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