You. Yes, YOU. Scumbag dropping your dog off at the shelter because he’s not cute anymore. Because he’s old and you want a newer dog. Because his hips hurt and he doesn’t run around like a puppy anymore. You cretinous, life-sucking maggot of an excuse for a human being. YOU. I’m talking to you.
You figured that someone else will walk into the shelter, and out of all the terrified dogs there, they will waltz over to your old, sickly dog and say, “Yes, that’s the one I want!”? Do you have ANY friggin’ idea how few times that happens? The odds are totally against shelter animals being adopted in the first place. Do you know how many of the dogs left at shelters are euthanized? 60%! How many cats are euthanized? 70%! That’s how many animals brought in will be killed within a matter of weeks, months if they are “lucky”. If they are found to have behavior problems (because they are terrified and bewildered why you suddenly don’t love them anymore, you nasty fuck), they will be considered unadoptable, and they certainly will not live out the week. Yeah, that’s what you did, you special little snowflake you, you just condemned your loving, faithful pet to death. And to days or weeks of being terrified and heartbroken until their turn comes. Splendid work.
How about you, the one with the microscopic heart carrying the obscenely expensive Birkin bag. Your cat is too much for you to take care of now, what with your busy travel and shopping schedule, Princess? So you are dropping your kitty off at the shelter so someone else can come get her and love her to pieces? You may as well just put her in the driveway and run her over a few times. Same result! And if she’s a black cat? Keep her at home and torture her to death, because black cats are the least likely to be adopted, unless it is Halloween and then the sickos get demented ideas of how to pass the time with your poor black kitty. Great going, you puss-oozing infected wound of a human. You are beneath contempt. You have no soul.
This is not an indictment of shelters. There are good shelters and humane groups that do their very best to take care of animals the best they can with tight budgets and far more supply than demand. There are also kill shelters that have BUCKETS full of your former best friends out back, waiting for them to be scooped up and incinerated somewhere in a big pile with their new-but-dead friends. Yeah, that’s what really happens. You are selfishly committing them to death row. You fucking shameless jerkoff.
“But, but, but [insert excuse here].” I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. Unless you have tried EVERY other fathomable resource to re-home them, and you better have fucking really tried everything, I have not one drop of sympathy for you. I reserve my sympathy for your wide-eyed, shaking pet, who can smell the fear of the other animals inside, and who knows they are going in to die. How DARE you do that? I’d like to sit outside of random shelters all day and piss in your cars and then bitch slap you all to death.
Oh, and special props to the completely morally depraved who don’t even consider going to the shelter. The ones who just move and leave their pet outside to fend for themselves. Just because you have seen stray cats outside does NOT make this a reasonable or humane choice! Cats are domesticated animals, and should not be outside. The cat that sat on your lap when you were sad is now a fucking squirrel? “Hey Fluffy, I know I used to feed you from your own bowl. Go see if you can find a chicken walking around the neighborhood to hold you over.” How about I take your kids and set them loose in the woods. What? Deer survive out there. Mice do it. I can’t dump your kids out in the woods to fend for themselves? That 8 year old is plenty able to find some berries or bark to eat. THAT IS HOW STUPID AND CRUEL DUMPING YOUR PETS IS.
Dogs and cats, as well as birds, reptiles, rabbits, etc. are a commitment for the life of the animal – not until they are no longer convenient. Fuck you and your convenience. If you take an animal into your home, you are in it for better or worse, even more than marriage vows, because the animal completely depends on you. Your ex can at least go find another apartment, but your loving, trusting pet can’t. So, SCUMBAGS, shape up. Stop thinking about your next latte, diamond earrings, hunting rifle, sports tickets, video games – whatever stupid material shit you think floats your boat. Take care of your animals, and don’t abandon them like McDonald’s burger rappers. Or I will find you and KICK YOUR ASS. Scumbag. (It needed one more for good measure.)