Why Must I Do Your Job? – By Davin

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I have noticed a disturbing trend in myself.  I no longer can tolerate people not being able to do what they were hired for.  This is certainly a much more stressful approach to living as my blood pressure would be a lot lower if I did not care.

As was mentioned on the show, a few months back a worker for Southwest Airlines was announcing where our flight was going.  Listing the various cities.  Unfortunately the person did not list any of the cities we were suppose to be going to.  He had the wrong itinerary.  His co-workers did not stop him mid screw up.  Other passengers did not utter a peep.  Yet I felt the need to march to the front and correct him.  I did it discreetly.  Why was I the only one?  Was nobody else paying attention?  Was I the only one who cared where the plane landed?  Maybe it was this type of mistake that lead to the Malaysian airplane getting misplaced.

Earlier this week I got annoyed in a Yankee Stadium elevator.  Granted the Yankees lost so my mood was not good to begin with.  We are packed in there like sardines and I have a fat unwashed man pressed up against me and my Dad.  First of all, just because you are large does not mean you can’t bathe.  I understand there is more of you to wash and you might move slowly.  I am merely suggesting better time management to get that extra shower in the schedule.  Ellen will be ok if you only catch the last 45 minutes of her show.  Ellen dances up a storm but you do not see guests wince as she interviews them.  Why?  Because she knows she is going to sweat so she takes a shower and covers herself in perfume.  Anyway I digress.  So we are in the elevator and we are not moving.  It is getting hotter and smellier by the second.  Apparently the elevator is either too heavy or too packed as the doors won’t close.  Fortunately, we have somebody whose job is to ride up and down the elevator.  I am assuming they are also tasked with solving such elevator packing problems.  Never assume because our elevator guy is not doing a thing.  He is just standing there letting us all roast in a Yankee Stadium gravy.  There are rumblings and mumblings and still he sits there.  Finally I can’t take it anymore.  I yell, “hey elevator jockey why don’t you kick some people out?”  It seemed like a reasonable question.  Last ones in…get out.  Not for this guy though.  He just stood there.  We don’t need you to press buttons for us.  You do not have some special training to make the elevator move.  What is your purpose?  Your job would appear to be fairly straightforward yet you are struggling at being average at this job.  I have to think somewhere there is a homeless person that should replace this elevator jockey.  I would still be in that elevator if not for a few people finally getting out.  Why do I know the solution but the elevator jockey does not?  I don’t have a spiffy blue shirt.  I do not draw a check from the Yankees.

Maybe it is because when I suck at my job you fine folks in the audience have no problem letting me know.  Either with silence, taunts, or hurtful things said after the show.  That is ok, if I suck at my job I can handle it.  At least I am trying though.  Maybe I have just learned from you fine people to express my displeasure with a job not well done.  Oh man, that is a terrible thing for people that suck in my presence.  Well I guess I have learned from my audiences and I will not accept the suck.  I guess the solution is to have all of America see my shows as on the rare occasions I suck you people let me know it.  Thank you audiences, America can learn from you.

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